Alright. So the beginning of my year was phenominal.
HUGE amazing spiritual experience on the very firsr day.
I am so so so thankful for this.
I know i said i was taking a break from my studies and research and that i wa
s absolutely just fine and dandy.
This is not the case.
During my 2 month break i THOUGHT i was happy. But i now realize, it was not real happiness. You know, the kind that completely feeds, drives and excites your soul ?
I merely engaged in spending money. I felt the need to go out everyday and buy something. Even if it was just a 2 dollar item at the dollar store… this is what i did, and it works, but i didnt FEEL it in my soul. You know?
Indeed, life is the school and love is the lesson. But you dont receive a diploma here.
You think thats good enough for ny parents ?
You think i can simply tell them i am on duty for something they could never even begin to understand…
I need to go to school of some sort. College. Take a year course. Look good for my parents.
So my little ‘break’ was fun while it lasted. I bought a beautiful new pink lamp, polka dot carpet, beauty items and just a bunch of random crap.
Materialistic happiness does not last long.
For me, true happiness is the discovery of new things. It is learning and gathering knowledge and gathering data until one day all the pieces are put together and i can do something marvelous with it.
Now i must really try and find a balance between societys reality and this mystical reality i have found myself to fall into.
Rather than avoiding it altogether.
Data collection can possibly occur 2-4 times a month over the regular time period of 24-48 hours.
This is what i am going to try out and see if it works. Its not easy, because i much prefer the latter of the two.
I got a taste of what an ordinary life is like. Yes the money is nice. But i learned this is not what im after.
Id rather be anything but ordinary, please.