Rambling

Colors
Intertwining
Combining 
Creating a brand new hue.

Oh, but who wants it to be grey
Dull boring life gone astray
Its funny how they all say
Choose a side 
Night or day
Black or white
Left or right

No
No longer can i see a difference.
No longer do i believe in making a decision.
No longer do i feel i need position
But rather
Prefer to be lonesome
Alone
Ignoring the senseless battle

Cattle
Lets not be
Birds
Rather. Free.
Flying. Wings. Defying gravity.
Defying the laws.
Defying the rules of society

Oh, be normal they said.
Get a job they said.
Go to school and be another head.
Just a head. A number.
For them to get ahead
For them to win at chess

Chess ? I dont know how to play.
I only know
A couple board games.
Board games. If only those were the only games we knew of.

Dont hate the game.
Hate the player.
No wait. Hate the game.
Because maybe its all they know.
Or maybe its part of their show.

Fine. Play your pity.
Play your pathetic
Sorry
Childish game.

No i have no sympathy
No i dont feel bad
I think youre kind of lame
And stuck in grade ten

Grade 10 ? 
School.
Which one ?
Oh id love to stay home
And learn all on my own
But people are watching and i cant stop now.
Get this done and finish whats real.

Whats real ?
Not sure
Not anymore, at least
People dont seem real
I dont seem real
This does not seem real
But thats just how i feel
When i enter this career

Can i help? Show me something.
I dont believe in wasting.
Energy, sanity or the number wheel
Number wheel. Yeah thats it.

And i love it when you laugh at me
Love it or hate it
But youre still watching
So, go ahead
But at the end of the day youre still the audience
Anticipating my next move
My next word
My next fall
My next crash and burn
But honey, im a bird
And birds dont crash.

You
You are....
Everything you wish you werent
Far from perfect
I still think youre excellent

Yeah you love the attention
But when will you change your mind
And request the nice kind
Oh, wait. I forgot.
Youre someone you said youre not.
Well im guilty too
Im not so special  just a fool
For playing with the devils inside my head
Fun for a while but then i feel dead

Dead ? Arent we all
Were not even alive
Were all just lost
In a place where we go
To fix what happened years ago

Did i say too much again ?
Not everyone gets it.
Spill the beans, spit the seeds
Oops i did it again
So whats it gonna be ?

Another lost in space
Another one erased
Go ahead. I have no say
When i dont even own this place
Just another uninteresting face
In the crowd of fakes

I dont believe the sad realization
After all my trust and information
I never did believe your explanations
You brought me to scary destinations.
Psychotic belief systems, manipulating thought formations

All while laughing.
Im not upset, i saw it coming
I called it. Yet i went running.
You ruined everything
So cunning

Roses have thorns ?
I look at you as a venus fly trap
Look at me, you say
Arent i just so lovely
Yet you devour all of our energy

So you wanna know how i feel ?
Embarrassed. Stupid. Pathetic.
Oh how it was so surreal
Ill miss it , i think
Ill miss it here
Where tormenting chaos felt better than nothing.

I dont even know what im saying
I just pour my thoughts out
At my finger tips
Touching letters, typing this
Stupid shit
That goes on and on and on
Infinite
My mind is clockwork.
It turns and spins all around
So much noise and so much sound

I could probably write a novel.
About 3 men who had no soul
One was honest
One was clueless
And one disguised it.
They brought a woman their gifts.
Sex
Love
And friendship
I still dont know who wins

Its not my fault i had that vision.
I thought differently ever since.
I just didnt know their intentions
Cause love dont exist in this dimension

Tension
Heart pounding
Body sweating
Head aching
Dehydrating

Its not a great place to be
Yet i come back almost every week
I still dont understand why i repeat
This madness and absurdity
I needed to think and seek clarity
But now im focused on letting my thoughts free
Cause how else could i get them out of me
Im scared of paper diaries
Where my psychosis could be seen

Its funny how i think this is a retreat
Stacking and searching and scanning and self defeat
None of this has some sort of meaning
But i dont mind showcasing my kind of anxiety
The worst is becomming property

No, you want to think for yourself.
You want to make your own choices.
You want to break free from restrictions.
You want to believe theres no limitations
You want to have motivation
You want to become an inspiration
You want to get an education.
You want to create a better nation
But

Dont let your imagination get carried away
In a world where no one can play
You dont wanna end up alone
In a place where no one stays
Or even knnows how to get there.

Wait. Some do.
They will play along.
They want to break you down
They dont my true emotions
When it comes to their contributions
Like yes !! Make me feel like fame and fortune

Where am i going with this ?
OH YEAH.
the thing is....
Once youve answered a question
Go on to the next one
Curiosity never hurt anyone.
Not the cat. Nor the bird. Or human.

I really dont think its bad
Unless you cant handle the ugly truth
This world is cold its mean and cruel
Everything is fake and you will be used
You got to give in or be abused

I dont want to think about last nights news
Everything is fucked up and its sad but true
I dont know what the fuck to do
I need to relax and stop and choose
Logic thinking and realistic views

Like who are you and who are you
Who are they and why do i feel chased
Do i have something they want to take
Did i make a bad mistake ?
Are they trying to make me pay
For what ive done, all those days ?
For all my careless dangerous ways
For causing all kinds of uncertain waves
Give what you want to get they say
Sorry i didnt know that until yesterday
But i can say ive learned today
Not everybodys what they say
All i want is to feel safe
In a world where all they do is take
Theres no more left to give away
Just me myself and all the great
I used to have, i know it stayed

Magic, miracles, spells or jokes
If i was sleeping then i awoke
I walked a thin and very long rope
Across the waters of despait and hope
That was then, but this is now
That part of me left the other day
Ill never go back im too afraid
My heart and soul was beaten and raped
So why should i have all that weight ?
This burdens too heavy that they gave
All ive seen is too much to take

I went ahead
I went behind
Or maybe i lost track of time
Or maybe its just all in the mind
Or maybe i am just too blind
To understand what i did find
I feel as if i did a crime
I feel as if im not inclined
To do my duties and do my time
Duties ? Youre kidding right
Youre nothing special. Its been a lie.

But why should i be sad ?
Its been the most fun ive ever had
Life is short so be alive
Come alive and show the world your light
Show the world the night
Show them they were right
Apologize for the fight

Its strange
This exchange
Reactions of an action
It has to stay balanced
How does it even make sense
Amongst the stars and the galaxies were one tiny planet the size of a seed

Lifes precious
Never waste any time

Clocks dont stop ticking
Seconds dont stop passing
Days dont stop ending
Nights dont stop coming
The world stops for nothing

Keep moving on

"I want to hold you close
Skin pressed against me tight
Close your eyes
So lovely it feels so right
Soft skin, beating heart
I whispered in your ear
I wanna fucking tear you apart"

And thats kinda when she recognized her own devilish ways.



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