emptying out my brain

lucky number seven ?
but i see things in threes.
i didnt comprehend it
i asked him what he means.

i never got an answer
it wasnt any need
i had to live and learn
and grow up painfully

i died, only brain dead
my life flashes in front of me
they knelt and lit a candle
and prayed so urgently

analyzing vision
perhaps the order was not right.
maybe i had three chances
but fucked it up in spite

God has a plan
so why am i so compelled to force
something I dont understand
cause the mind plays tricks when the heart is begging to mend.

maybe i should work on manifesting
the life i claim to seek
everything is always, after all,
mysteriously created and thrown back at me.

a wise man chooses silence
but the wiser choose to speak.
i’d rather fight for what i want
than to let things just be.

i used to feel so foolish
but its better to have loved
than to never love at all.
how can we go back south ?

i guess i wasnt kidding
when i said i was doing some travelling.
a racing clockwork mind
is a paradox of time

so much crazy shit
my unsettling mind came up with
whether its real, imagined, or fantasy
its more than i’ll ever admit.

my lifes is one big parade
a giant mess of masked charades
far from normal and just an inch from insane
so twisted in a childish way

why do i continue ejecting myself
onto this path of confusion
where nothing is certain not even the promise of change
God, allow me to let go of my fearful ways

i’ll join in the circus just to step up
id rather be enslaved and finally tamed
to sit on our porch under hot sunny rays
to live life fully by living in simple ways

to plant our own garden and watch our food grow
to bake pies and eat ice cream until we’re sickly full
to decorate the yard in tacky pink flamingos
or drink wine and beer in a mobile home

and in the distance there are laughs
im not stupid for wanting the past
maybe if my hope and faith were a tad stronger
i could have believed in something that lasts

but i think the game of trivia is unfair
of thrones, of suits, and all that is there
when youre alone and playing for two
battlefields and warzones, in which i dont care.

God urges me to do so.
to carry on and not to be scared.
there may be no one beside me as i walk, but
maybe i must allow Jesus to pick me up.

so the waves of this endless ocean
crash onto shore of the hourglass
the sands of time are shifting
morphing into a perfect paradise.

but as broken as human souls may be,
we’ll never get there unless we trust Him and love continuously
without shame into the next galaxy
then maybe we’ll finally graduate from this .

called Life.

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