Did I say I was finished?
one thing I always believed in were happy endings.
If there was an ending without love, happiness or commitment, well,
then it never even was the ending. and thats just it.
my mind can sometimes get lost in murky waters.
but to be truly happy and whole, you must endure complete darkness.
so do not worry when it seems my story is resonating too much self pity or hatred. even for me. this stormy chapter may just be the end of a beginning. or vice versa ?
afraid of myself, i hold so much in, fearing manifestation
yet, why not simply just manifest all good things, then ?
Because I am afraid of looking like a fool. The embarrassment.
Im trying to remember God always knows what we need and provides us with just that. Not lusts, desires, or wants.
But seriously whats the difference ? Nobody needs another being or person. We need food, shelter, water and nourishment
Newsflash: when youve spent your life serving others, maybe there does come a time when you need someone to do the same thing for you. I do not mean to boast, Lord knows. But I’m trying really hard so to keep you close. Fantasies and dreams are better than nothing. If I cant have you beside me I’ll dwell in my fabricated selfish reality.
The eagerness and hunger that consumes my entirety, wickedness in whicb I childishly feed, well, God only knows. One day I know He will explain it to me.
Im tired of tests and trials and games. I just want a home and a family to my name Maybe a garden and orchards and lamb. Back to when it was simple. Those child-like memories never cease to fade. I want to know theres something for me, other than this place. Maybe thats why i pretend im in outer space. No more reminants of the moon or dragons I chase. A lifelong void filled. Where are you, anyways…