even in the most desperate times of despair, – faith, love, and courage will always pull you out.
“The pornography made me do it
So those drugs that got us high
Was the thoughts of revolution
They’ve been poisoning my mind
So i’ll walk you down into the water
But you keep coming up for air
All those people, they don’t give a damn
They just stood around and stared
And i said,
Love will save the day”
“were talking about a society in which will lead no roles
other than those earned
or those chosen
were really talking, about humanism.”
This is a song by David Usher that I have forgotten about for a little while. The lyrics move me in a way that makes me feel some type of faith and hope and goodness in myself. and my dreams.
I want and need everyone to know that they are capable of love, no matter who you are. I like to match my beliefs with the Disneys famous tale of Beauty and the Beast.
Love is life. Love is divine, love is so damm good that it makes you high. Literally. Im often high on life through Love.
Throw ego, pride, resentment, doubt and fear straight out the window !
Never close yourself off from Love. It at least for me gives my entire world meaning. it completes me, and its far from rational but I just know that Love is not something anyone should treat as a battle.
embrace it, master it, cherish it and conquer it.
so lets let our hearts be the leader. the mind isnt always all that attractive…
so anyways I really just want people out there to know that you should always embrace love rather than make the mistake of refusal which wont do any good. If Belle was able to teach love and love a Beast then anyone can. Love, that is. Not saying anyones a beast. But people make it so much more complex than it needs to be.
when theres nothing left to give just keep giving love. I dont care who you are, we all want to be loved, cared for, and cured of our loneliness.
But thats just me, im made up of love entirely, but no I take that back cause thats a lie.
I think love is able to cure monstrous demons that live inside each and every one of us.
And sometimes you have to lose someone to see the whole picture.
i never knew this pain would bring me such quick insight and growth from a lesson
id never forgive myself if i never tried
so try try try keep trying, its all about trial and error but embrace error as it teaches you and helps you. any glimmer in your soul that tells you to do so I think should not be ignored.
But let go of the fact that you dont know what the outcome will be.
pray for the best but prepare for the worst they say.
read your bible too, gosh darnit
Praise God for the Gift of Love.
God is pretty awesome.
Yeah i wont lie
My worst enemy is my own mind
But its not my fault
Thats just the beauty of design
Fuck, im crazy.
They could easily throw me in an asylum
So i keep my mouth shut.
At all times, about everything.
You will know when its time
A tid bit of a secret you kept locked inside
Can be shared with someone special.
Like you. Us. He wont judge. Laugh.
He wont leave you hanging in silence.
Instead you will feel the ultimate energy
Of a mind whom all its life
Lived, feeling insane, suppressed
It lights up with joy and intense excitement.
Sharing our unwordly ideas and beliefs together may be manifesting into something bigger.
What happens when 2 powerful minds are combined ?
See, he’s further gone than me
But doesnt make him any less than me.
They got to him
I wish he learned what i did for survival.
Play Along. Laugh. Retaliate – dont let yourself be bullied. We are not fucking dumb, and im sick and tired of people like YOU making people like US feel like theres something wrong with us.
Humanity is awakening and theres no stopping what we can do now. Embrace your gifts, magic, light, let it flow all around you, let it move mountains or manifest miracles, i used to be afraid to shine but thats what stars are MEANT to do baby.
Can we put the missing pieces together
And figure this out
Amongst thick milky clouds
It breathes in the tainted air
Just sweet candy floss.
Back to the comb
Back to the Queen
Back to its Home.
Turning the sweet
Into a brand new jar of honey.
The Queen dips her dainty foot
The Mustard colored Honey
Inspected the thick glass-like liquid closely
Didnt look as light in color
Nor did it look as opaque.
Delicious as usual though, regardless.
The bittersweet taste of honey
Creeps up through her throat.
Far different from her usual honeycomb
She was very pleased
Demanded the secret ingredient
As she buzzed around the bee hive
Chuckling in total delight and surprise.
No one ever saw the Queen quite like this.
Full of energy and sang a tune
Rather than her usual grumpy hiss.
She gave all her fellow workers
The rest of the day off.
She was so happy, and confident
She knew it was a one bees job
To make the Farmers’ honey that day.
Was it by mistake ? Or perhaps fate
Whatever got into that honey, well
Was meant to be a simple mistake
Not only was the Queen Bee finally lifted out of what seemed like a meaningless life
She praised her fellow worker for the outstanding new design
Queen Bee finally felt just as she should.
Like a Queen.
And like any good Queen
Her and her fellow hive mates
Lived in happiness, helpfulness and unity ♡
Life threw toxic nectar at the Queen
And so she made it into her own toxic dreams
Sweet dreams filled with sweet sugar
She dusted off her crown
Looked in the mirror
And put it back down.
What matters is my heart and soul and my inner knowing that i am Queen
For we are all each our own Majesty
Mastering even the darkest corners of our complex, frazzled minds
To wear a Crown would be driven by the ego
And the absence of ego is a blessing indeed.
As the tears flowed like rushing rivers down my face for longer than i can remember
As i engaged in reading content from other members
It was like messages being spoken from sources other than the author itself.
It spoke volumes as i gained insight and understanding of perpectives and answers that i was forever longing.
After what felt like an eternity of bruising of my soul and shattered pieces
I got it all out of my system. I was, after all, lacking in taking care of my physical vessel.
Days of malnourishment and dehydration, nothing but toxins and chemicals.
Im sure the lack of attention to my body played a big role in the lack of the emotional and well being of the soul.
Finally i ate a granola bar and painfully swallowed my water.
I sat outside in our citys third winter, cold and i smoked the first cigatette in what seemed like an infinite abundance of time, although it was probably less than 24 hours. But i really dont have any grasp whatsover on the concept of time when i am so immersed into the depths of my true passion – reading and writing.
ANYWAYS . I finally took the time to read what other bloggers had to say. Realizing that this whole time i had been pretty selfish. Not realizing that input = output. And they should always be at least equal.
I thought my mind was far too complex for anyone to ever understand. I thought that my ramblings were nothing but a release of my traffic that flooded the very streets of my mind.
I was in complete awe and amazement that there are soo many like me, almost identical, with the same complexity which i always merely identified it as the abyss of my personal insanity.
And then i realized, not only is this a creative outlet for us to let our traffic flow until empty,
But its also the biggest community of support i have ever happily discovered.
I am not alone ! So many share the exact same difficulties, spirits and souls, experiences, and most importantly, journeys !!!
Every blog post i have read in the last 12 hours or more, spoke to me, either as a reflection of my own thoughts or other difficulties i yearned to have at least some understanding
And then it dawned on me that this is part of the ascension process. When you become one with the universe.
Ive never felt more relieved. Just knowing were all here, together, growing, learning, and ascending to the highest spiritual being we possibly can make of ourselves.
I felt so alone. Like i was mental and this was nothing but a tainted and weak mind. But no. We are all connected, and we are here to raise eachother up and encourage to strive on our paths of our journeys.
Such an exciting time for us !!! Lets continue questioning, supporting, offering anything whether it be simply a thank you if has helped your growth in any way shape or form. I think recognition from our fellow brothers and sisters is the most rewarding – the simple confirmation that you have indeed, contributed and helped.
Ive actually reached out and have spoken to so many today, and i could truly feel the love, care, and gratitude in my very soul. Im not just saying this either. The discovery of beautiful human beings that are made up entirely of love and empathy restored any pain i was experiencing previously. And for that i want to say thank you.
Perhaps everything we seek is on this very platform, where we have freedom of speech, we are human, and we do this because we want to. This is whats important to us. Where else can you find journeys that forever grow ? Sure, other web sources may come in handy. But there comes a time where everybody elses development is fundamental to our own, as there is so much we can learn from eachother all while encouraging, developing, and expanding together which ultimately is, i believe, a very important part of the process.
Ahhhh. What a great epiphany this has been.
If fear creeps up
A sudden surge of energy?
Embrace it, make it.
Does something bring joy?
Save it and keep it.
Something driving your soul?
Jump on and ride it.
Do you feel enslaved?
Get rid of it.
Is there love in your heart ?
Go after it.
The road to Madness,
Are you there yet ?
Are they calling your name?
Time for your service.
Feeling down, broken ?
You’ll feel fine in minutes.
Filled with doubt and losing hope ?
Get back up on the slope.
Noise and distractions ?
Learn from it.
A split flame ?
Two in one, the same.
Falling off the train ?
Feeling drained ?
Dont be afraid.
Fire going out ?
Time to slow down.
Heavy heart and heavy eyes
Lay down a little while.
“Come and take a walk on the wild side
Let me kiss you hard in the pouring rain
You like your girls insane.”
-‘born to die’ lyrics.
I’ll quit before i fall in too deep.
Before i am no longer me.
Sleep. Second dream.
Got lots of reading done today. Brand new information stored in my brain. Each time, becoming one step closer to my fulfilled destiny. A long and winding staircase, ascending. I feel i am completely enlightened although i know there is always something new to be learned.
Im still so confused with todays acquired knowledge. I have failed to apply to most important piece of it all. Sure, it would explain a lot. But giving into that thought i am hesitant, for nothing is certain, and im terrified of being deceived.
I live in a terribly contradictive and paradoxal reality. Its exciting, mystical but not comprehendable at times. In fact, for years i thought i had some sort of entitlement, or significant importance, either that or i was suffering from a form of schizophrenia, a mental case on the verge of being institutionalized.
Although my true first acknowledgement of my understanding and awakening occured around a year ago, little did I know that for years i was actually practicing everything i was about to learn. All those days and nights of tedious, at times gruesome experiences and walking the streets for days with nowhere to go. Nothing made sense to me and i became scared of the only world i knew. Completely stripped of all my faith, trust, and my simple black and white perspective of the world. Out the window. I questioned everyone and everything. And fighting my obscene thoughts was exhausting. I lived everyday in fear and shame, confining myself indoors. Away from… whatever it WAS out there.
I knew in my heart that all the puzzle pieces had a meaning and i wasnt simply just a psycho. The feeling that it would all make sense to me one day was robust. I had a ravenous curiosity and hunger for more. Even when death knocked on my door more than once, i never backed down. I simply had to grasp the concept of this THING, PLACE, EXISTENCE, in which scared the fuck out of me and was intriguing all at the same time.
And thats exactly what i did. Over and over and over again until finally i was led to the beginning of the truth and grasped some concept. The point is to never stop reading. I used to feel cheated after i found out there were so many others like me and that perhaps i wasnt so special after all. But indeed we are, and knowing that so many others can relate, and are going through the same, and that im not alone and completely losing my mind, it made me very very happy.
So, ive definitely reached a great place in my spiritual growth. My understanding of my purpose and just everything has never been better. Theres still so much i need to discover though, about myself and those who are close to me. I want to spread the word and help any way i can. In fact, your journey is entirely up to you. YOU decide whether or not to keep going. I almost gave up but im glad i didnt. I was tricked by a wrongful source which led me to almost bend and break.
For laying inside my childish figment of imagination is the only thing that makes sense and inspires me. I hope other creative thinkers embrace their gifts rather than toss them aside feeling sheepish. Listen to your soul. It will guide you.
If we were out for coffee.. i would ask you to tell me your story.
Enjoy some quotes from the one and only albert einstein. Great minds think alike !
Encourage others to seek their path.
A wise man knows not to share his secrets.
“Now i understand why you pushed me away
I looked far and now i see, that the only one i needed was me.”
The process is freightning, exciting, disbelieving, surreal, amazing and tiring all at the same time. When your soul is prepared it will begin. Brace yoself ! P.S. self confidence is KEY to the success of ascension as well as filtering out all the negative that could potentially present itself during the process.
Peace love and light ! ♡
BULL FUCKING SHIT.
second time now.
Beautiful work. Wasted.
Dont forget about our
FUCK YOU !
cant handle.me ? Cant handle the truth ?
Cant handle the reality being exposed ?
Then get out of my world
This is my reality
I make my own rules
I created my own game
And i wrote the instructions
Dont like it ?
Take a hike then.
Yeah, my minds too fucked for its own good
But sanity never proved to be fun
Yet another mixture
Oh, laugh. Wont you ?
I want to see you happy.
You hate me, so its crazy
But thats just me
My sunshines all around this block
My own world
Chaos, madness, peace and sleep
Dreams, sleep walking, alive and living
Walking, laughing, thinking and creativity
In which we can express in any way we please
So stop the fuckery
And stop messing with me
I can drcide my own society
Sane, psychotic, or incomplete
Yeah, thats it.
My work here is not done.
Nor is it incomplete
JUST BE YOURSELF
AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY
CAUSE THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND
AND THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER.
enjoy the gift of life.
I am not after a life which consists of nothing but imaginary dreams, false hopes and broken promises.
Where i stay inside all day basking in my own psychotic delight.
Stay where nothing but make believe is all that i engage in, a happy little world of my own away from the harsh reality we all know too well.
Ive come to the point where i no longer feel the need to be constantly seeking an escape. Somehow the feeling of independence, responsability and structure are fulfilling me nicely. How i cant wait to wake up and have a nice cup of coffee, breakfast and a cigarette.
Play with my makeup and get pretty for the day. I dont care what anyone says. Makeup is a hobby which contributes to my self confidence and happiness. Why wouldnt anyone do something if it boosts their self esteem ?
And now i find comfort in a healthy diet rich in vegetables and fruits and grains and whatever else i can afford but is still healthy. Earphones in and out i go for a jog, striding to the rhythm, working up a sweat and releasing those endorphins. That right there is pure satisfaction.
I take baby steps as i work towards the life ive always dreamed of. It doesnt happen overnight. The first thing is to surround yourself in an environment that reinforces the life you want.
I am utterly blessed to have found the perfect home. My room is bright and cheery with colors and patterns so bright and vivid that it stimulates my brain. Candles and perfumes of scents that playfully enlighten my sense of smell.
I love each and every one of my roommates and im lucky i can say that and mean it. Its not easy moving in with total strangers. And even though were all sort of mental in our own way and im sure we aggravate one another from time to time… i feel like theyre my family. This is my family. This is my home. And i have never been happier with a decision ive made my whole life.
“We are all mad here.”
And this is why i belong.
I want to stop calling it ‘setbacks’ or ‘falling off the wagon.”
Everyone needs an escape from reality time to time.
Some go on a vacation. Some go hiking. Some go to the spa. Therefore my blue moon dabbles shall be nothing but a simple reality escape. Cause lets face it. Whatever the heck reality its called, its way more interesting and fun than that of what im used to.
Ive come to terms with the fact that its alright. As long as its not controlling your life, hurting your life in any way or stripping you of your REAL LIFE responsabilities and goals, then its A-OK in my books. And should be in everyone elses too.
My addiction is knowledge, and laying in my own little world for hours on end while getting excited about things that probably dont even play a single role of relevance to my life. But it seems my child-like imagination loves to believe things. Things that id want in this lifetime but im not sure how to go about doing that.
I could be bursting at the seams with faith and hope that i could explode, only to fall asleep and wake up and laugh at my childish dreams.
Since it seems i cannot get employed there, for doing what i would want to do forever, my best option is to settle back into everyday society and play a role. Not just any role. My goal is to help and never stop helping. It doesnt need to be rocket science. (Although i do adore the challenge) one day i will tell those kids my life story. And it will be a crude and raw one. And i hope that its enough to stop at least ONE person from making the mistake i did. I will tell them over and over again that ignorance is bliss and you really do not want to take that long dark and dwindling road, because its haunting, and will change you forever.
Go to the mall. Have sleepovers. Go hunting for cute boys. Enjoy the simplicity of being young. We all wished to be adults as kids and now were adults and wishing the opposite.
Dont grow up too fast. Dont turn to alcohol or drugs to have fun. Find what you love doing and dO it !! Its not hard to figure out.
Yeah. I have a story. Its a story i know people need to hear before its too late. I wish i had someone to tell me a story like mine at seventeen years old. Maybe it would have saved me a lot of pain and damage. Its not a pretty life and it isnt fun. Oh, trust me. There are a lot of parts i know i must always keep to myself. Or change it around or somehow get the point across without having to reveal the true nightmarish events i had to endure which in all honesty i am so so so thankful that today i am still alive, i am not dead, i danced with the devil but still kept my soul.
The fact that i have a story and am finally realizing the best way to tell it to people who need it most is breathtaking. That right there really sparks my soul.
Oh sure. There will be some if not many who go against my warnings anyway. But knowing that someone had warned them beforehand even makes me feel a bit better. The way the government goes about it is completely ridiculous.
These kids need truth, not scare tactics.
How about we tell them they will constantly be living in fear, or how its nothing but a swarm of disgusting cockroaches just waiting to victimize and exploit their next prey, often doing so all behind the scenes while the innocent is quickly dragged into the dark abyss.
Ugh ! Im telling you ! I was one of the very very few lucky ones who was able to climb out and not let it ruin my life for the rest of my life.
I should be dead. And i vow to make this second chance at life the very best life i can possibly make out of it. A meaningful, happy, healthy life.
I used to hate the idea of being a slave to society. But this is not being a slave. This is doing something that my soul is passionate about. You have a story to tell ? Tell it. Doesnt have to be a book. Who would benefit most from hearing your story ? I figured it out. And while dabbling in magic and what had seemed like miracles at the time, was exciting, i think a new chapter must unfold and i’ll save lives before its too late and not in a constant state of fear or doubt.
No, i was not meant to play connect the dots my entire life. You dont get PAID for GAMES. Its not about the money and its not about the recognition. Its about taking what i have and making the best out of it. Its about being there for those kids when they truly just need someone who understands. Cause i do. And i bet i’ll see myself in so many of them and it will be heart breaking. BUT ill have to ask myself. When i was in their position, what was it that i truly needed right there right now ?
My journey is truly exciting and i am so blessed to now be able to see the clarity of it all. I am so so so excited to reach my destination ! A rewarding career, one day my perfect partner, my own place that i can decorate all on my own, a nice bird, a cat, a dog. Okay maybe 2 of each. A family. Enough money in the bank to live comfortably. Save money for our kids’ futures. Travel. See the PLANET EARTH and not just fantasies i made up in my head.
You can shake me
And break me
But when i see a vision
Of how i want life to be
Theres no stopping me
But if i do crumble a bit
Or even fall down
I dont have time to fuck around
Im getting back up
And putting on my crown
See, the thing is
Ive survived so much
I dont know whats left
That i havent conquered yet.
Yesterday was a lesson
Tomorrow im just guessin’
And today is all mine.
MAKE IT YOURS. OWN IT.
I remember the first day we met
Our first conversation.
It was something so silly that youd never think two total strangers would talk about.
Oh i remember. Lube !
You were so funny and such a joy. I really took a liking to you. I was comfortable with you and enjoyed your company and your soft gentle voice.
We left and i begged them for us to go back to where you were at. I missed you already and it had been less than a day. Perhaps less than a few hours. But i asked and asked for us to go back or to go get you. Whichever one. I dont remember exactly.
I fell in love with you fast and hard the week we spent at the beach. We layed together and just laughed and talked and god, i loved your stories. I loved dressing up as wonder woman for you. I love how wonder woman was your first love or crush or whatever it was when you were younger. I loved how in sync we were with our silly little quirks and jokes and laughter. I love how you cared.
You brought me a sandwich. You cared about what i had drawn. All night, all day, we talked and laughed and you were there for me when i went into my usual state of craziness. You gave me a puke bucket. You cleaned it out for me even. You laced up my boots. You snook a peak but never asked or tried for more.
We went on an adventure. Back then i was beautiful in a black dress that draped over my thin body. You thought i was beautiful and i knew you did. We walked the streets downtown and i chased the ducks at the pond. I was like a child. You saw that. You loved it – my innocence and young heart. I knew you did and felt that you did. I felt you watch from afar. That night the porch were full of creepy crawlies which i knew you didnt like from your story you told on the front porch at the house. You hated them. I loved that about you. You were a man, but with fears that really touched me. I dont know – something about it, a unique fear for a man such as yourself. What man admits that anyways ? Your honesty and genuineness never failed to cause me to grow more and more infatuated with you.
You asked me if i was okay. I did the same. With everybody. I want and need everyone to be okay – others happy makes me happy and you and i would never want anyone to be any less than that. Perhaps its cause we knew what sadness and being lost in a world in which we found to be rather strange, felt like. B, we got eachother. We understood eachothers feelings and cared about eachothers feelings but not only that, but others’ as well. Although you were far more wise and experienced so unlike me who was naive at the time, you knew when to stand your ground.
I called you on your birthday. You werent doing anything special as you should have been. I mean after all, you deserved the world. Instead we got together. I dont remember what we did that night and day. Talked ? Cleaned the old mans room ? You were so caring and always took care of others before yourself. Maybe thats why you were always on the go. You had things to do and people to help. Were you running from me? Or waiting for me …. because…. i was waiting for you. But i never ran. I guess i never experienced that type of trauma which makes you run. Run from love. Why do we do it? I dont do it. I want love so bad that when i love i love deeply and with my whole heart and soul and…. i have trust issues but… whats the point of love if fear always gets in the way of it ? That is, of anything real.
I end it here. I end the fear. Fear of love and fear of being real. Real love should not be destroyed. It should be raised up and conquer. If two are perfect for eachother then they should be together. FUCK fear of getting hurt. What will happen if you never do anything about a situation like so all because of some stupid little worry. Then youll never know. And that, that is truly heart breaking. Missing out because of being scared of something that would never ever happen – because true love does exist and never dies.
I regret never kissing you. I regret some of the things i said. I regret all the things we could and should have been. I regret not experiencing something greater than what we already were. You, you made me so fucking happy. You called me everyday just to check up and ask if i was alright. You asked what i was up to. You told me you missed me. You came over lots to wake me up. You bounced on the bed like it were christmas morning.; You made me feel beautiful. We smoked a cigarette under the covers. You showed me songs and signs and all kinds of things. You showed me how it felt to be in love. Running to the phone when youd call more excited than a 5 year old on their birthday or any holiday really
You were my holiday
You were my everything
You were my B
Everything i did and drew – was from my soul as i thought of you.
Im so sorry. So fucking sorry i didnt show more of my real feelings or affection but it was at the wrong time at the wrong plaace and everything was fucked but not only that, i remember what you said that night.
Love is not sex. I mean you could love sex and stuff but its not real.
Real love is laying all night staring into space and sharing stories. It is absolutely missing them during their abscense. It is wanting nothing more than their company. It is when every song reminds you of them. It is when you feel like a child again. And can be one. Together.
I wish i kissed you. Id do anything to go back and kiss you. I was scared too. I really didnt know what you wanted. I mean i did but you kept running. Was i supposed to kiss you ? Or would it have ended things on your part. I didnt know if kissing was included with what you had said about what makes you stop loving a girl.
My feelings for you were more than anything id ever felt about anyone and it was beyond anything physical.
I wish i could read that book again. I couldnt believe my eyes. I mean i could… it was just… incredible. Ive written and written pages of bullshit over guys who never gave a fuck about me. But you… you had pages and pages written about me and ….. i fucking miss you. Im sorry. I love you. Perhaps we were too similar to go further than where we got. You helped me in so many ways and i hope i did too somehow. Perhaps that in a cruel scary world, innocence and kindness still exists. You know, thats why i loved you. After all those years you never changed and lost your dignity or soul. Im never going to change either. B, i will fight the rest of the demons and im doing it for you.
You couldnt trust me cause you couldnt trust anyone. I understand that now. Sometimes the universe is a dark place and leads us to shadows. But people like you and i make it brighter – by putting a smile on peoples face. Genuine kindness. Soul and heart full of love. Nothing can ever take that away from us. They talk and they talk and they fuck with us and raise us high to crash us down. But our goods will always remain. They shall never be stolen. We shall always be happy and fulll of love life and light.
Youre not gone. You have your wings. I have yet another angel to protect me. You always already did though. But now you will in a different way. I hope you can see past all my newly aqcuired flaws. But; thanks for showing me so many things and thanks for all the memories – even when you ran away probably cause my anxiety was too much bad energy for you. Ha. I know how to channel it though now. At least in this harsh world.; I know what to do. Im learning everytime.
“When you go
Just know that i
Will remember you.
If living was the hardest part
We’ll then one day
And then i’ll be with you
I will be there one last time”
Ps. Thanks for being the handsome handyman you always were.
Thanks for everytime you showed concern
Thanks for being you
You were and will always be an angel
But now you shine even brighter
Because after all, stars are blind.
The change is now
Let this place
Be free of chaos
Im not sure i can create world peace everywhere but…. at least here.
Where it matters.
Where for whatever reason
Are the people i care most about
Strange in a way
We were just an angel away
No more running
We showed our colors
I came i saw i conquered
But all i really wanted was to compromise
You saw through my eyes
Didnt you ?
All that has been lost
Drink from the fountain of youth
And never age again
Jump across every cloud
I wish i knew back then what i knew now.
You could have taught me so much.
Its okay though
Because you did
My love for you will last thousands and thousands of years.