heres when the tedious school work ACTUALLY begins.

move those brain waves
ignite the awakening
spark up get those gears grindin
yeah, she grindin’ away

her hustle has been on point
now shes dying to prove a point
she know its do or die
but thats her choice

its time to be a big girl now
focus on pleasing even the tougher crowd
if they ever laugh in my face ..
well, i was laughin first and i’ll be laughing last too.



can we do that again sometime
where we fall to the stars and touch the sky
the citizens watched with utter delight
counting clouds and running  through the traffic lights
somehow on the ground but im seeing from somewhere high
my feet in the air, im floating, hovering, wait,

ive never felt such exhilerating heights
how was that the most adrenaline and fun ive experienced quite possibly ever.





in this scary world id want nothing than for us to be best friends, work eachother towards our goals nobody else could ever understand, empower, laughter, fucking madness completely perfectly intertwined thus connecting a large piece of the puzzle we both yearn to finish.
i know you. i know you because i am that as well. the chaos and madness and pleasure of it all. my little reality i thought was my own but indeed i have found another inhabitant.

i cant wait.



lets be fearless and do something …. well, maybe we should keep it a secret. 😉

love thyself

it was strange in a way how so many writings and scriptures and stories all fascinated her to the point where  she could have sworn she was a character in that very literature – then, and now.

she related to almost everything, feeling like the universe was ONE, and that the world as we know it is designed and intertwined like a big ball of yarn. all connected, but if unwoven, turns to one, long, seemingly endless thread – string – rope- whatever you prefer.

i remember days where it freaked her right out. all the surreal moments made her heart race to the point where she had to focus on regulating the beats of her very best organ. maybe if she knew one day she’d look back at what now seems like a mere dream, it wouldnt scare the living daylights out of her. she would have treated it like the very art of surrealism that it was – that to this day she is mysteriously drawn to. and now she knows why. because her life was a good one, a fairytale at best, and  nightmare at worst. it was surreal, nothing short of a movie.

treat your life as if it were magic. and believe in it. make magic your reality and youll be pleasantly surprised at how much more fun, meaningful, and exciting everything gets. once you master the magic its hard to be unhappy. you will walk around, in public, going about your day, constantly talking out loud your silly thoughts and then laughing at them – at least this is what sparks joy for me. coming off completely mental  to any outside spectators – yet they dont realize i probably have it more together than most of those poor souls conforming to what society pushes as ‘normal’, and i think you have to sort of lose your mind a bit to find happiness within yourself. and i know people found it refreshing to see a young adult i guess different, cheerful, loving, goofy, non chalant and pretty damn coocoo if you ask me, yet so intelligent, insightful and bright, she could do any damn thing she pleased in life.

those who hated on her or thought she was weird, were the ones who wished they could be like that. so careless, free, and beautiful. she was damn well blessed and she knew it. they knew it. and it compelled her to play a little game for herself everywhere, when anyone who did not give in to her light and joy, she simply HAD to shine even brighter so they succumbed, gave in, and loved her.

because she thrived off of love. and maybe that was what made her evil. was the jar of hearts she unknowingly, or sometimes knowingly even, she kept for keepsake. but bloody hell, someone who spreads love so carelessly is so hard to come by these days, she didnt realize how fucking rare of a species she was. and thats what broke her, was being let down time and time again, her heart and her love always unmatched. either that or she was vain, not looking hard enough, or repeating the same mistake of always looking in the wrong place.

she still gets confidence and conceited mixed up all the time and she shouldnt. she knew she had flaws, in fact she had many, she was after all, human. she just hid them well, i guess.

she sought the answers to everything she couldnt understand and then she understood why curiosity killed the cat. the more she sought the more she realized i dont belong here

darkness rose her up to believe she had found something great, whether a home or a family, all to just tear it all back down and hope she suffered. but this time, she refused. she made it her choice to stay humble, knowing all the tears of her past always get stitched back together. 

maybe home is a state of mind.
i hope i can hold on to that state of mind and not lose it this time.


emptying out my brain

lucky number seven ?
but i see things in threes.
i didnt comprehend it
i asked him what he means.

i never got an answer
it wasnt any need
i had to live and learn
and grow up painfully

i died, only brain dead
my life flashes in front of me
they knelt and lit a candle
and prayed so urgently

analyzing vision
perhaps the order was not right.
maybe i had three chances
but fucked it up in spite

God has a plan
so why am i so compelled to force
something I dont understand
cause the mind plays tricks when the heart is begging to mend.

maybe i should work on manifesting
the life i claim to seek
everything is always, after all,
mysteriously created and thrown back at me.

a wise man chooses silence
but the wiser choose to speak.
i’d rather fight for what i want
than to let things just be.

i used to feel so foolish
but its better to have loved
than to never love at all.
how can we go back south ?

i guess i wasnt kidding
when i said i was doing some travelling.
a racing clockwork mind
is a paradox of time

so much crazy shit
my unsettling mind came up with
whether its real, imagined, or fantasy
its more than i’ll ever admit.

my lifes is one big parade
a giant mess of masked charades
far from normal and just an inch from insane
so twisted in a childish way

why do i continue ejecting myself
onto this path of confusion
where nothing is certain not even the promise of change
God, allow me to let go of my fearful ways

i’ll join in the circus just to step up
id rather be enslaved and finally tamed
to sit on our porch under hot sunny rays
to live life fully by living in simple ways

to plant our own garden and watch our food grow
to bake pies and eat ice cream until we’re sickly full
to decorate the yard in tacky pink flamingos
or drink wine and beer in a mobile home

and in the distance there are laughs
im not stupid for wanting the past
maybe if my hope and faith were a tad stronger
i could have believed in something that lasts

but i think the game of trivia is unfair
of thrones, of suits, and all that is there
when youre alone and playing for two
battlefields and warzones, in which i dont care.

God urges me to do so.
to carry on and not to be scared.
there may be no one beside me as i walk, but
maybe i must allow Jesus to pick me up.

so the waves of this endless ocean
crash onto shore of the hourglass
the sands of time are shifting
morphing into a perfect paradise.

but as broken as human souls may be,
we’ll never get there unless we trust Him and love continuously
without shame into the next galaxy
then maybe we’ll finally graduate from this .

called Life.


encouragement best explained


whats it gonna be?

running in fields of ecstasy?

high green blades of grass

wishing on the feathers of dandelions

a feeling you once knew

a fleeting escape your soul creates fast

look on the bright side

your hearts still beating to fight

to keep it together

yeah, i got it all together

emotions opposite of the weather

maybe thats what we need.

a lover at the other end of the spectrum

how else will you conquer balance ?

and balance, we need

so desperately

to keep all things

humanity, society, some part of me

at peace.

so whats it gonna be ?

are you yet realizing ?


the yin and the yang aint just some decorative thang.

oh how i love the flow of the words stuck in my brain

in fact, missing

but the glass house seeks to destroy the lost and retained

a window,  a screen, a sliver piercing our feet

they couldnt help it

and so the apple they eat

but i dont mind giving away my fruit

and my pieces of loot

after all, i am nothing without all of you.

and you can steal a little bit of my spark

to light up your ghostly existance, self, dark

but i wish not to break yet another heart

am i fool and just causing more harm?

can i be happy, comfortable, and stable yet ?

karma holds no more debt

although free, i am set

to sit, stop and rest

and give up the trials and tests

i just want something, something for nothing


… woops ! this is supposed to be encouraging.

so to all those who are out there in the battlefield

i want you to remember that love is your shield.

and when youre broke and cant get up

dust yourself off and dont give up.

cause light is brighter than the dark.

know your purpose and your worth.


you may never go to some university

but trust me

the warmth you carry around,

your smile as you walk around

your mysterious aura

your beauty leaving others astound

such angelic ways you should wear a crown

touching lives of those who always frown

honey, dont be so down

blood may not be but God is proud.



just do what drives you to be happy in upside down town.

which is being happy. so be happy. and youll simply be happy.





Yeah i wont lie

My worst enemy is my own mind

But its not my fault

Thats just the beauty of design

Fuck, im crazy.

Completely nuts,

They could easily throw me in an asylum

So i keep my mouth shut.

At all times, about everything.

You will know when its time

A tid bit of a secret you kept locked inside

Can be shared with someone special.

Like you. Us. He wont judge. Laugh.

He wont leave you hanging in silence.

Instead you will feel the ultimate energy

Of a mind whom all its life

Lived, feeling insane, suppressed

It lights up with joy and intense excitement.

Sharing our unwordly ideas and beliefs together may be manifesting into something bigger.

What happens when 2 powerful minds are combined ?

See, he’s further gone than me

But doesnt make him any less than me.

They got to him

I wish he learned what i did for survival.

Play Along. Laugh. Retaliate – dont let yourself be bullied. We are not fucking dumb, and im sick and tired of people like YOU making people like US feel like theres something wrong with us.

Humanity is awakening and theres no stopping what we can do now. Embrace your gifts, magic, light, let it flow all around you, let it move mountains or manifest miracles, i used to be afraid to shine but thats what stars are MEANT to do baby.

Can we put the missing pieces together

And figure this out

Us out




Creativity, is it easy?

I sometimes will regret writing some if the stuff i feel is, rather lame, mediocre and repetitive.
But then i think, why should i regret it ? Thats just me having fun in my own head, spilling out the mess inside my brain and thoroughly enjoying every minute of it.
If only such a surge of motivation and creativity was attainable whenever i want, not needing any other outside source to spark it up.

Thats why i’ll post a bajillion things all at once. Then, nothing for a week.


Damnit, i’ll pick your lock next time.


Or perhaps i shall shove right through the door and forever be on the other side.

dormant, no more.


I know now

Dont let the truth
Get you tainted

Unfinished business
Left for later

Unresolved karma
Was I the traitor ?

Im sorry I
Didnt know this earlier.

How come I dont
But you can remember ?


At least now I know who you are
Maybe in our next lifetime
Things will work out.
Maybe you just need
To search and dig deeper
Bittersweet and short lived
But i know that was safer
My ego tries to stop me
From seeing youre a faker.
So i guess i’ll go now
See you later


Thoughts i want to share on helping eachother grow spiritually.

As the tears flowed like rushing rivers down my face for longer than i can remember
As i engaged in reading content from other members
It was like messages being spoken from sources other than the author itself.
It spoke volumes as i gained insight and understanding of perpectives and answers  that i was forever longing.

After what felt like an eternity of bruising of my soul and shattered pieces
I got it all out of my system. I was, after all, lacking in taking care of my physical vessel.
Days of malnourishment and dehydration, nothing but toxins and chemicals.
Im sure the lack of attention to my body played a big role in the lack of the emotional and well being of the soul.

Finally i ate a granola bar and painfully swallowed my water.
I sat outside in our citys third winter, cold and i smoked the first cigatette in what seemed like an infinite abundance of time, although it was probably less than 24 hours. But i really dont have any grasp whatsover on the concept of time when i am so immersed into the depths of my true passion – reading and writing.

ANYWAYS . I finally took the time to read what other bloggers had to say. Realizing that this whole time i had been pretty selfish. Not realizing that input = output. And they should always be at least equal.

I thought my mind was far too complex for anyone to ever understand. I thought that my ramblings were nothing but a release of my traffic that flooded the very streets of my mind.

I was in complete awe and amazement that there are soo many like me, almost identical, with the same complexity which i always merely identified it as the abyss of my personal insanity.

And then i realized, not only is this a creative outlet for us to let our traffic flow until empty,
But its also the biggest community of support i have ever happily discovered.
I am not alone ! So many share the exact same difficulties, spirits and souls, experiences, and most importantly, journeys !!!

Every blog post i have read in the last 12 hours or more, spoke to me, either as a reflection of my own thoughts or other difficulties i yearned to have at least some understanding
And then it dawned on me that this is part of the ascension process. When you become one with the universe.

Ive never felt more relieved. Just knowing were all here, together, growing, learning, and ascending to the highest spiritual being we possibly can make of ourselves.

I felt so alone. Like i was mental and this was nothing but a tainted and weak mind. But no. We are all connected, and we are here to raise eachother up and encourage to strive on our paths of our journeys.

Such an exciting time for us !!! Lets continue questioning, supporting, offering anything whether it be simply a thank you if has helped your growth in any way shape or form. I think recognition from our fellow brothers and sisters is the most rewarding – the simple confirmation that you have indeed, contributed and helped.

Ive actually reached out and have spoken to so many today, and i could truly feel the love, care, and gratitude in my very soul. Im not just saying this either. The discovery of beautiful human beings that are made up entirely of love and empathy restored any pain i was experiencing previously. And for that i want to say thank you.

Perhaps everything we seek is on this very platform, where we have freedom of speech, we are human, and we do this because we want to. This is whats important to us. Where else can you find journeys that forever grow ? Sure, other web sources may come in handy. But there comes a time where everybody elses development is fundamental to our own, as there is so much we can learn from eachother all while encouraging, developing, and expanding together which ultimately is, i believe, a very important part of the process.

Ahhhh. What a great epiphany this has been.


My volunteer experience in the work field – long lost draft – retrieved

It started with someone whom I perrceived as the Ultimate Champion
He had it all. The looks, the nice big guns, the ability to do so much socializing in so little Time.
I was in complete Lust
I was in complete Denial.
Which manifested eventually into Anger and Fear.
I played with Fire. I played wirh Ice and I played with the Air and finally the Water

I knew I wasn’t just different. I knew I could potentially create something out of all the madness. I mean, i had before, after all, shocked myself when my thoughts manifested right in front of me.

So, the reality of it was, that I had just acquired some important informaation that would further me down my road to Understanding, Knowledge and finally, Enlightnent.

By taking everything I knew and applying the knowledge in the correcr aeeas, I could potentially create a brand new world of data, not for myself, but for those in need of whatever it is , whether its New System Proposals or Prosperity of a Region.

I  pledge the Unity of all Nations, under Freedom and Liberty,
To the Law.that all Knowledge is
Of Metaphysical Matters and Time, and in which does not depict a Reality other than mty own, and finally, to keep the Govern’s best interest always at Heart.