haiku

i need a new muse
i had lots of fun with you
whos next to amuse ?
♤♡◇♧☆♧◇♡♤

°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°°

come one come all
take a seat and have a ride
on the wacky carnival

walk around the house of mirrors
spooky clowns may strike a fear
but dont you worry dont be scared
youre allowed to leave the fair.

strawberry fields and peach trees
ripening fruit draws summer near
as nature flows and grows and morphs
like metamorphosis, we step forth

i sat outside the porch today
seemed the robins called my name
like lovers they teased and sang and chased
the dandelions swayed with grace.

greens and yellows and mostly blue
like MJ i wont live by a hue.
swirl the colors of your palette
simplicity is beauty, yes ive found it.

so fuck these rhymes and never ending text
i wish i could not rhyme and be a true poet.
but appairently my brain is not done yet.

living life in the fast lane
just to ignore whats all the same
naturally boring and quite mundane
i simply crave motivation to create
i’d be lying if i said i have pain
im attempting to escape.
all i have is emptiness, a hollow dull brain
can you be creative without such treachorous ways ?
get my mind going without losing all these days ?
bruised and angry yellow veins

Can i be like this,
Without being this way?

love thyself

it was strange in a way how so many writings and scriptures and stories all fascinated her to the point where  she could have sworn she was a character in that very literature – then, and now.

she related to almost everything, feeling like the universe was ONE, and that the world as we know it is designed and intertwined like a big ball of yarn. all connected, but if unwoven, turns to one, long, seemingly endless thread – string – rope- whatever you prefer.

i remember days where it freaked her right out. all the surreal moments made her heart race to the point where she had to focus on regulating the beats of her very best organ. maybe if she knew one day she’d look back at what now seems like a mere dream, it wouldnt scare the living daylights out of her. she would have treated it like the very art of surrealism that it was – that to this day she is mysteriously drawn to. and now she knows why. because her life was a good one, a fairytale at best, and  nightmare at worst. it was surreal, nothing short of a movie.

treat your life as if it were magic. and believe in it. make magic your reality and youll be pleasantly surprised at how much more fun, meaningful, and exciting everything gets. once you master the magic its hard to be unhappy. you will walk around, in public, going about your day, constantly talking out loud your silly thoughts and then laughing at them – at least this is what sparks joy for me. coming off completely mental  to any outside spectators – yet they dont realize i probably have it more together than most of those poor souls conforming to what society pushes as ‘normal’, and i think you have to sort of lose your mind a bit to find happiness within yourself. and i know people found it refreshing to see a young adult i guess different, cheerful, loving, goofy, non chalant and pretty damn coocoo if you ask me, yet so intelligent, insightful and bright, she could do any damn thing she pleased in life.

those who hated on her or thought she was weird, were the ones who wished they could be like that. so careless, free, and beautiful. she was damn well blessed and she knew it. they knew it. and it compelled her to play a little game for herself everywhere, when anyone who did not give in to her light and joy, she simply HAD to shine even brighter so they succumbed, gave in, and loved her.

because she thrived off of love. and maybe that was what made her evil. was the jar of hearts she unknowingly, or sometimes knowingly even, she kept for keepsake. but bloody hell, someone who spreads love so carelessly is so hard to come by these days, she didnt realize how fucking rare of a species she was. and thats what broke her, was being let down time and time again, her heart and her love always unmatched. either that or she was vain, not looking hard enough, or repeating the same mistake of always looking in the wrong place.

she still gets confidence and conceited mixed up all the time and she shouldnt. she knew she had flaws, in fact she had many, she was after all, human. she just hid them well, i guess.

she sought the answers to everything she couldnt understand and then she understood why curiosity killed the cat. the more she sought the more she realized i dont belong here

darkness rose her up to believe she had found something great, whether a home or a family, all to just tear it all back down and hope she suffered. but this time, she refused. she made it her choice to stay humble, knowing all the tears of her past always get stitched back together. 

maybe home is a state of mind.
i hope i can hold on to that state of mind and not lose it this time.

lalala whatever

blah whatever im bored and want to write but dont know what, oh im tired of exhausting all my words and energy into foolish short lived lust.

So whatever. I’ll take it as it is. in the meantime i need to figure my shit out and be thankful, count my blessings. quit complaining and continue seeing beauty all around me through my dark and tainted glasses.

ah yes thats the beauty of it. No matter how much horrid, cruel, and vile things you have seen or learned about this earth. This, quite frankly, poor excuse of a planet where the human ‘virus’ has destroyed so so much. is being able to walk through the serene streets of a city whom so many claim to be “the grossest city in the country”
open your eyes cause its not hard to see the beautiful things in life.
and so my heart needs adventure so i can, even though people and society and everything else is terrifying, i seek solitude and peace in the beauty of nature. Spring time trees blossoming into pink and white flowers. the smell of the lavender. it really is one of those simple things that are worth forgetting the rest of the bullshit for.

BUT. i am blessed that i can continue on with my journeys, humble, despite it all, and although i shant complain, not in THE most beautiful city of the country. I mean, everyone complains about being here and how they wanna move west. So go ? you should be thankful youre even IN or BORN in this probably one if not most beautiful and peaceful countries in the world. Now I cant say that cause frankly i dont know shit about other parts of the world. BUT i do love canada thats for sure.

anyways long story short not sure where i was going with this probably just another blabble jabble ramble

i guess i just wanna see things like ancient castles in europe and oceans like in europe and all the old fashioned architechture that somehow nostalgia sets in when i see a certain painting or image of something out there, same thing with certain landscapes or forests, not sure why it makes me feel a certain way i cant really put into words but i just know i need to go there someday somehow and figure it all out.

“La raison est dans la forêt”

concrete jungle ….

Stars.

Yeah i wont lie

My worst enemy is my own mind

But its not my fault

Thats just the beauty of design

Fuck, im crazy.

Completely nuts,

They could easily throw me in an asylum

So i keep my mouth shut.

At all times, about everything.

You will know when its time

A tid bit of a secret you kept locked inside

Can be shared with someone special.

Like you. Us. He wont judge. Laugh.

He wont leave you hanging in silence.

Instead you will feel the ultimate energy

Of a mind whom all its life

Lived, feeling insane, suppressed

It lights up with joy and intense excitement.

Sharing our unwordly ideas and beliefs together may be manifesting into something bigger.

What happens when 2 powerful minds are combined ?

See, he’s further gone than me

But doesnt make him any less than me.

They got to him

I wish he learned what i did for survival.

Play Along. Laugh. Retaliate – dont let yourself be bullied. We are not fucking dumb, and im sick and tired of people like YOU making people like US feel like theres something wrong with us.

Humanity is awakening and theres no stopping what we can do now. Embrace your gifts, magic, light, let it flow all around you, let it move mountains or manifest miracles, i used to be afraid to shine but thats what stars are MEANT to do baby.

Can we put the missing pieces together

And figure this out

Us out

This
Then
That

All
Of
It
Out

gLass HonEycOmB

Honey bee
Floating
Amongst thick milky clouds
It breathes in the tainted air
No choke.
Just sweet candy floss.

Sugar rush
It buzzes
Back to the comb
Back to the Queen
Back to its Home.
Turning the sweet
Adulterated nectar
Into a brand new jar of honey.

The Queen dips her dainty foot
The Mustard colored Honey
Inspected the thick glass-like liquid closely
Didnt look as light in color
Nor did it look as opaque.
Delicious as usual though, regardless.
The bittersweet taste of honey
Creeps up through her throat.
Far different from her usual honeycomb

She was very pleased
Demanded the secret ingredient
As she buzzed around the bee hive
Chuckling in total delight and surprise.
No one ever saw the Queen quite like this.
Full of energy and sang a tune
Rather than her usual grumpy hiss.
She gave all her fellow workers
The rest of the day off.
She was so happy, and confident
She knew it was a one bees job
To make the Farmers’ honey that day.

Was it by mistake ? Or perhaps fate
Whatever got into that honey, well
Was meant to be a simple mistake
Not only was the Queen Bee finally lifted out of what seemed like a meaningless life
Unusual experiences
Useless insights
She praised her fellow worker for the outstanding new design
Queen Bee finally felt just as she should.
Like a Queen.
And like any good Queen
Her and her fellow hive mates
Lived in happiness, helpfulness and unity ♡

Life threw toxic nectar at the Queen
And so she made it into her own toxic dreams
Sweet dreams filled with sweet sugar
She dusted off her crown
Looked in the mirror
And put it back down.
What matters is my heart and soul and my inner knowing that i am Queen
For we are all each our own Majesty
Mastering even the darkest corners of our complex, frazzled minds
To wear a Crown would be driven by the ego
And the absence of ego is a blessing indeed.

Do i get it yet?

I know whatever goes around comes right back around
sometimes it slaps you hard
Leaving its mark plain on your face
Or at times it swirls by in the wind
Barely leaving behind any trace

“Everybody gets what they deserve”.
Maybe the cards weve been dealt
Arent so ‘wild’ .
Perhaps our past lives
Or even great achievements in this one
Manifests into the quality of life we have now.

Ive paid my karmic debt.
I hate what feels like a curse
I never wanted anyone getting hurt.
“Queen of Hearts”
The people finally took them back.
I wasnt trying to show off a collection.
I wasnt trying to capture and crush them underneath on the snowy cold pavement.
But that it what i did, 5 years ago, everywhere i went, by simply being just me.

I paid my debt.
It destroyed me in the process.
And the destruction still lingers.
When night falls and im alone with these words
Im also alone with you.

After all these attempts
Replacements, bandaids, distractions
It has been months after all.
I guess i’ll just be happy
Pretending these words are your own.

———————–

Let us be free from the infinite loop of karma.
Those whose intentions
Never was meant to do any harm
And whose intentions have and will always be none other than good.

I do not wish to be untouchable by karma
But why should i suffer when all i ever wanted to do was be myself and help ?
I used to feel bad.
But i cant change my blueprint.
And i shouldnt be punished for that

Or simply dont let it accumulate.
That debt really sort of fucked me up.

Creativity, is it easy?

I sometimes will regret writing some if the stuff i feel is, rather lame, mediocre and repetitive.
But then i think, why should i regret it ? Thats just me having fun in my own head, spilling out the mess inside my brain and thoroughly enjoying every minute of it.
If only such a surge of motivation and creativity was attainable whenever i want, not needing any other outside source to spark it up.

Thats why i’ll post a bajillion things all at once. Then, nothing for a week.

DEAR DOORS OF CREATIVITY AND INSIGHTFUL PERCEPTION : PLEASE OPEN MORE REGULARLY, WITHOUT HAVING TO USE OUR OH SO TRUSTY ‘KEY’

Damnit, i’ll pick your lock next time.

Or perhaps i shall shove right through the door and forever be on the other side.

dormant, no more.

I only know Lust.

Baby dont envy me
I know i shine a little too bright
We kiss, and
i leave your skin dusted in twilight
Sparkles sprinkled on your face.
We can share whats mine.
Youre the dark and im the light.
Together we can be one tonight.

……. you turn me on like a fucking flashlight.
Put your hands right here like that
Yeah, i know i put up a fight
I live for the chase.
Leaving me with nothing
But my delicious daydreaming desires.
I know im playing with fire
But i was never one to follow advice.

Baby, its been a little while
How long are you willing to wait?
Until i explode and cave…

In love with passion

Not fucking again
Whats wrong with me

Walking Forever

Something about walking under grey skies
Under the pouring rain
Memoirs of past lives
Takes away some of the pain