Should I eat today

Another morning 

Another glance at the mirror 

Another breakfast she will skip

Another lie she’ll have to slip

Another workout to lose the hips

Another battle in the kitchen 

Stomach growling but she won’t listen

She wants bread but sips tea instead.

Another walk through the city.

Another boring afternoon with coffee.

Another restaurant that teases her hunger.

Another smile knowing she’s not eating and getting fatter

Her little body moans and groans for dinner.

But her mind is always there to stop her.

She reaches for the lettuce instead, it’s so much safer.

She grazes all evening until she gives in.

Just one little snack to ease this craving.

Then another and another until there’s no escaping 

She’s trapped in a hell and its called binging 

And she reaches the toilet to fix her mistake.

Hoping she rid of every calorie on that plate

Throat is sore, but she lights up anyway.

Cigarettes are best after throwing that stress away..

She swallows her pills, finally this nightmare can be over.

And in the morning, relief.. 

She weighs herself. The scale. Her best friend the monster.

Lost more weight. Down with the pounds. 

That evil number decreasing is her happiness and power.
All time low. In more ways than one. She waits until she can feel again. 

To live In apathy with very little dull excitement is such a sad thing.

For now she hides secrets that keep things interesting.

Accessorize with collarbones. And hip bones make quite the comfortable hand rests.

p.p.s.

But if you are not with me I do not want to be here.

And if I’m not beside you I do not wish to dream.

& If you’re not with me I do not want to leave.

Without you I cant even sleep… Just hold me… 

FIRST OF ALL – if youre getting a rise out of roasting me, laughing and cussing while you sit and play me on your ‘VLT’s…

Well, too bad. Because I used to love you. And whoever is actually standing beside me in the end… Well, I love you too. Always have always will.

(We already know who the helper is, secretly. The ‘FOB’, the’Naggery’ and ‘Grand scheme fuckery’ will begin to cease. Like a disease.) – Humankind will move forward.

LOGIC FIRST !!!

my journey of ascension is basically all the elements of being human. its about loving yourself, loving your family, taking care of your health – physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Its like holding up a mirror to yourself, your life, being able to be comfortable in your own skin and smiling about it. Reclaiming what you thought you lost and turning a new leaf – new chapter – taking in all cosmic knowledge – and living a brand new, beautiful and hearty life – all while fending off darkness and shining a light. 🙂

everything will be alright.

im being pulled from side to side
fighting so hard to walk a straight line
sometimes this crazy world leaves me terrified
trying so hard not go out of my mind

scared of the truth, cause maybe it just lies
im dying to keep the warmth that engulfs me inside
but my heart and my trust has been completely destroyed

im gonna keep it together, i’ll search for any sign
that what i am doing is completely alright
the future is unknown, but i cant lose sight
must always recall of.my beauty and light

God, please help me to reclaim all that I’ve lost, and all that I need. Show me the truth and the truth I shall heed. Amen.

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heres when the tedious school work ACTUALLY begins.

move those brain waves
ignite the awakening
spark up get those gears grindin
yeah, she grindin’ away

her hustle has been on point
now shes dying to prove a point
she know its do or die
but thats her choice

its time to be a big girl now
focus on pleasing even the tougher crowd
if they ever laugh in my face ..
well, i was laughin first and i’ll be laughing last too.

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