My visit to the realm of hell

Have you, during your personal process
Experience a milestone victory
As well as a great loss
Right at the very same time ?
The kind of heart break
That is all knew.
Fetal position, muscles clenching
Heart wrenching
Shaking as you weep.
Unaware such emotional pain
Even existed
Yeah your hearts broken
But your entire self is shattered into a thousand million pieces.

You are not alone tonignt.

SO, i’ll distract myself by sharing just one of the many experiences where i have transcended into an alternate reality – this one was HELL.(literally)

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I am a healer
Since i was a teenager.
Everyone used to call me special.
Id chuckle.
Good one.

Years go by
Thats when i really decide
I dont belong here.
I dont fit in.
I hate this society
Andi dont like the humans.

Were so quick to judge before we really grasp the knowledge
Of everything thats really around us

These people are awful.

And when i travelled
Through time and through realms
I visited the future and ive visited hell.

I was a foreigner in both.
It scared me how they knew
I was a visitor, uninvited
Oh they did not like me there.

If you yourself
Have travelled there as well
(Anyone can but many dont know)
At least im pretty sure they could
If they found the portal.
Hell is terrifying.
Everyone there truly looks dead
Floating, no emotion
While others are lost and sad and slumped in a chair.
Knowing i somehow got there unannounced
They were mean to me
Cause it was 90 degrees
And i wore a few heavy layers of clothes
I shivered and froze
While they endured the cold wearing springtime clothes

A kiss on top of my hand
Who are you ?
He treated me like royalty
And i instantly knew
This meant danger.
…….
The screams and chants of voices
Coming from outside my window
Earlier that afternoon
Ordered me to go to the emergency room
Strange infection
Creeping and bubbling up my skin.

“Your arm will be amputated!”
Even the familar voices of my friends
Seemed to laugh along with the hateful audience.
I did not go to the hospital for some silly infection that was probably just another hallucination.
I let my soul do the walking.
For i knew an adventure was awaiting.

And that is how i arrived to my destination.
I was the only one catcbing the buses that nigbt
So theyd stop one stop before where i was standing
Purposely making me wait. Late.
I really had to play a game in order to get them to fucking drive.
So i walked a lot of the way
Following anything that smiled at me, friendly. Those were my signs.
Earlier my dad told me to follow the yellow brick road.
And so i realized it was a message to follow the friendly yellow CAT tractors
And indeed they led me. Like they were expecting me.
All the drivers pointed me to my destination.
..     ……

Anyways, he invited me to his house
And i knew i had to go.
Here comes another battle, i thought
I sighed, slowly payed the cab driver
For I was so scared to follow him.
Fuck. Theyre going to try to kill me
AGAIN.

Love was my only weapon.
Who, unlike them
Often had  many things capable to kill.
He acted suspicious
Looked around the neighborhood
Oh i knew exactly what was coming.
Ive saved myself from death so many times before.
I can do it again.

He hops the fence
While i stand on the side porch
A shot gun pointed at me through the cracks.
I shook a little,
But i knew that was their intent.
Inflict Fear.

I sort of pretended i did not see him
I mean, after all, do people just shoot people?
I begged myself to stay rational.
Love conquers all. i said over and over again in my head until finally
I exhaled all my worry and fear.
“Coooome oooon whats taking you so long?”
I said it with grace and compassion
With love in my heart.
He put down the gun and even made me thank him for that.
I even chuckled a bit.
“Thaaank you”
I sounded like a giddy girlfriend of his.
He came up to me and hugged me tightly.
I felt a warmth and a fire inside him instantly.

Oh no, i thought. Right then and there he was in love with me.

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TO BE CONTINUED . I am far too sleep deprived. My eyes are heavy.

P.s. i always was too afraid to share any of my experiences that had to do with travelling.
BUT WE HAVE FREE WILL AND FREEDOM OF SPEECH.

FUCK CENSORSHIP.
I want to share my entire story
Not the boring bits.

I cant stop.

BULL FUCKING SHIT.
second time now.
Beautiful work. Wasted.
Dont forget about our
FREE WILL

FUCK YOU !

cant handle.me ? Cant handle the truth ?
Cant handle the reality being exposed ?
Then get out of my world
This is my reality
I make my own rules
I created my own game
And i wrote the instructions
Dont like it ?
Take a hike then.

Yeah, my minds too fucked for its own good
But sanity never proved to be fun
Yet another mixture
Chemical
Compounds
Jokes
Laughter

Oh, laugh. Wont you ?
I want to see you happy.
You hate me, so its crazy
But thats just me
My sunshines all around this block
This street
My own world
Its mine
Chaos, madness, peace and sleep
Dreams, sleep walking, alive and living
Walking, laughing, thinking and creativity
In which we can express in any way we please
So stop the fuckery
And stop messing with me
I can drcide my own society
Sane, psychotic, or incomplete
Yeah, thats it.

My work here is not done.
Nor is it incomplete

Work in.progress
Growing tree
Wandering soul
Not lost
Just free.

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JUST BE YOURSELF

AND DO WHAT MAKES YOU HAPPY

CAUSE THOSE WHO MATTER DONT MIND

AND THOSE WHO MIND DONT MATTER.

 

enjoy  the gift of life.

Stars are Blind

“You left in peace
Left me in pieces
Too hard to breathe”

You dont even know what you did to me.
Now i just wanna say im sorry

I dont ever want anyone to fall in love with me
Its just way too risky

If im not in love with them too
Karma will come back after me
Break me down all over again
When im least expecting it

Now im scared
I used to fall so fast and so hard
I just cant do it anymore.

Im left with so many scars
Ill never let anyone sweep me off my feet again
Im never going to trust a single person again
I dont even know what to think anymore
My mind is in a constant war
Please show me truth

A taste of heaven
Ended far too soon
Perhaps it was a lesson
To know what heaven feels like.

A taste of my own medicine
Those were not my intentions
I did not even take it that far
What happened was fucking harsh

I was fine all by myself
Now i want someone else
I want that more than anything
It makes me want to cry
I dont know who runs this place
Im falling from grace
So much in me has been erased

Art attack
Magic thats black
Put your coat on the rack
Sell your soul for a sack
I feel so off track
This was more than i could hack
I heard everyone clap
Was it just a trap
I dont want to attack
Someone give me a map
I need to find my way back
The time before all this crap
Someone give me some facts
Mice running from cats
All they do is laugh
I shouldnt fucking do that
But im a star at least and i live for the applause

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Yet another journey

Hello again my friend.
I see you there.
Do you know its me ?
Ive come to ghost town
Where its 90 degrees.

I see you sitting in that chair.
Slumped over by the fire.
I walked a thousand miles
In the blizzarding snow.
I didnt think id see you there.

I miss you, dear friend.
I know now you watch over me.
I wish i could always visit you
im not sure why you were there
Its not where you should be.

Must i keep travelling
Or does it ever end
This world is becoming freaky
I went to a place
Too many times
I dont belong there
Now i know why they chase me.

I get bored.
The shift is sometimes good for me.
I dont want to hurt anyone.
So please dont hurt me.
Karmas already done its job.

Wont you let me come by ?
Every once in a while ?
To feel love again
And make you smile

I get scared
Its a scary place
I cant recognize anything
Or anyones face

Although its rather strange
I find it quite interesting.
I didnt mean to spill my secrets
Should i keep it to myself ?
I hope im doing the right thing
Its impossible to tell

I fell down again.
The universe pushed me down.
Im getting back up now
And going back to my hometown

Was it all a dream ?
Was it nothing but a fantasy
Imagination play time reality ?
I find it kind of funny
What is life if youre not happy ?

Do what makes you happy.
Thats all im doing.
Im sorry for hurting anyone.
Its not my intention.
Karma got me bad.
So dont worry about that.

City of angels
City of the dead
City of the living
Upside-down town
But where is heaven

Its hard to see
But everything is right here.
On this earth
Walking in circles
Set us free
Show us peace

Lost souls
Wandering
Sad and broken
Help them be ready
Fly away to the next galaxy

Ive been to hell and back too many times to count.
Ive experienced heaven in someones arms.
Ive experienced tragedy, love and loss
Ive experienced so much more than any person should.

I regret none of it.
A surreal life  is better than a boring one.
But i must live a normal life
Somehow there ive found some fun.

I learned many lessons
All in one week.
I know i had to
And have this complete.

Theres good in the bad
And bad in the good.
Love hurts.
Dont be vulnerable.
But find someone to grow old with
Its better than being alone.

“They say that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels”

This worlds upside down
Hanging by a string
How many saviours can we find
Before we all die

Are we real
Is this a game
When i die
I want fame
Courage love sunshine and fire
Youre going to remember my name.

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My vision for 2016

Alright. So the beginning of my year was phenominal.
HUGE amazing spiritual experience on the very firsr day.
I am so so so thankful for this.
Anyways.

I know i said i was taking a break from my studies and research and that i wa

s absolutely just fine and dandy.
This is not the case.
During my 2 month break i THOUGHT i was happy. But i now realize, it was not real happiness. You know, the kind that completely feeds, drives and excites your soul ?
I merely engaged in spending money. I felt the need to go out everyday and buy something. Even if it was just a 2 dollar item at the dollar store… this is what i did, and it works, but i didnt FEEL it in my soul. You know?

Indeed, life is the school and love is the lesson. But you dont receive a diploma here.
You think thats good enough for ny parents ?
You think i can simply tell them i am on duty for something they could never even begin to understand…
I need to go to school of some sort. College. Take a year course. Look good for my parents.

So my little ‘break’ was fun while it lasted. I bought a beautiful new pink lamp, polka dot carpet, beauty items and just a bunch of random crap.
Materialistic happiness does not last long.
For me, true happiness is the discovery of new things. It is learning and gathering knowledge and gathering data until one day all the pieces are put together and i can do something marvelous with it.

Now i must really try and find a balance between societys reality and this mystical reality i have found myself to fall into.
Rather than avoiding it altogether.

Data collection can possibly occur 2-4 times a month over the regular time period of 24-48 hours.

This is what i am going to try out and see if it works. Its not easy, because i much prefer the latter of the two.

I got a taste of what an ordinary life is like. Yes the money is nice. But i learned this is not what im after.
Id rather be anything but ordinary, please.

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