encouragement best explained


whats it gonna be?

running in fields of ecstasy?

high green blades of grass

wishing on the feathers of dandelions

a feeling you once knew

a fleeting escape your soul creates fast

look on the bright side

your hearts still beating to fight

to keep it together

yeah, i got it all together

emotions opposite of the weather

maybe thats what we need.

a lover at the other end of the spectrum

how else will you conquer balance ?

and balance, we need

so desperately

to keep all things

humanity, society, some part of me

at peace.

so whats it gonna be ?

are you yet realizing ?


the yin and the yang aint just some decorative thang.

oh how i love the flow of the words stuck in my brain

in fact, missing

but the glass house seeks to destroy the lost and retained

a window,  a screen, a sliver piercing our feet

they couldnt help it

and so the apple they eat

but i dont mind giving away my fruit

and my pieces of loot

after all, i am nothing without all of you.

and you can steal a little bit of my spark

to light up your ghostly existance, self, dark

but i wish not to break yet another heart

am i fool and just causing more harm?

can i be happy, comfortable, and stable yet ?

karma holds no more debt

although free, i am set

to sit, stop and rest

and give up the trials and tests

i just want something, something for nothing


… woops ! this is supposed to be encouraging.

so to all those who are out there in the battlefield

i want you to remember that love is your shield.

and when youre broke and cant get up

dust yourself off and dont give up.

cause light is brighter than the dark.

know your purpose and your worth.


you may never go to some university

but trust me

the warmth you carry around,

your smile as you walk around

your mysterious aura

your beauty leaving others astound

such angelic ways you should wear a crown

touching lives of those who always frown

honey, dont be so down

blood may not be but God is proud.



just do what drives you to be happy in upside down town.

which is being happy. so be happy. and youll simply be happy.




Yet another journey

Hello again my friend.
I see you there.
Do you know its me ?
Ive come to ghost town
Where its 90 degrees.

I see you sitting in that chair.
Slumped over by the fire.
I walked a thousand miles
In the blizzarding snow.
I didnt think id see you there.

I miss you, dear friend.
I know now you watch over me.
I wish i could always visit you
im not sure why you were there
Its not where you should be.

Must i keep travelling
Or does it ever end
This world is becoming freaky
I went to a place
Too many times
I dont belong there
Now i know why they chase me.

I get bored.
The shift is sometimes good for me.
I dont want to hurt anyone.
So please dont hurt me.
Karmas already done its job.

Wont you let me come by ?
Every once in a while ?
To feel love again
And make you smile

I get scared
Its a scary place
I cant recognize anything
Or anyones face

Although its rather strange
I find it quite interesting.
I didnt mean to spill my secrets
Should i keep it to myself ?
I hope im doing the right thing
Its impossible to tell

I fell down again.
The universe pushed me down.
Im getting back up now
And going back to my hometown

Was it all a dream ?
Was it nothing but a fantasy
Imagination play time reality ?
I find it kind of funny
What is life if youre not happy ?

Do what makes you happy.
Thats all im doing.
Im sorry for hurting anyone.
Its not my intention.
Karma got me bad.
So dont worry about that.

City of angels
City of the dead
City of the living
Upside-down town
But where is heaven

Its hard to see
But everything is right here.
On this earth
Walking in circles
Set us free
Show us peace

Lost souls
Sad and broken
Help them be ready
Fly away to the next galaxy

Ive been to hell and back too many times to count.
Ive experienced heaven in someones arms.
Ive experienced tragedy, love and loss
Ive experienced so much more than any person should.

I regret none of it.
A surreal life  is better than a boring one.
But i must live a normal life
Somehow there ive found some fun.

I learned many lessons
All in one week.
I know i had to
And have this complete.

Theres good in the bad
And bad in the good.
Love hurts.
Dont be vulnerable.
But find someone to grow old with
Its better than being alone.

“They say that evil comes disguised
Like a city of angels”

This worlds upside down
Hanging by a string
How many saviours can we find
Before we all die

Are we real
Is this a game
When i die
I want fame
Courage love sunshine and fire
Youre going to remember my name.


Dear (B)M.B.M. in rememberence of an angel

I remember the first day we met
Our first conversation.
It was something so silly that youd never think two total strangers would talk about.
Oh i remember. Lube !
You were so funny and such a joy. I really took a liking to you. I was comfortable with you and enjoyed your company and your soft gentle voice.
We left and i begged them for us to go back to where you were at. I missed you already and it had been less than a day. Perhaps less than a few hours. But i asked and asked for us to go back or to go get you. Whichever one. I dont remember exactly.

I fell in love with you fast and hard the week we spent at the beach. We layed together and just laughed and talked and god, i loved your stories. I loved dressing up as wonder woman for you. I love how wonder woman was your first love or crush or whatever it was when you were younger. I loved how in sync we were with our silly little quirks and jokes and laughter. I love how you cared.

You brought me a sandwich. You cared about what i had drawn. All night, all day, we talked and laughed and you were there for me when i went into my usual state of craziness. You gave me a puke bucket. You cleaned it out for me even. You laced up my boots. You snook a peak but never asked or tried for more.

We went on an adventure. Back then i was beautiful in a black dress that draped over my thin body. You thought i was beautiful and i knew you did. We walked the streets downtown and i chased the ducks at the pond. I was like a child. You saw that. You loved it – my innocence and young heart. I knew you did and felt that you did. I felt you watch from afar. That night the porch were full of creepy crawlies which i knew you didnt like from your story you told on the front porch at the house. You hated them. I loved that about you. You were a man, but with fears that really touched me. I dont know – something about it, a unique fear for a man such as yourself. What man admits that anyways ? Your honesty and genuineness never failed to cause me to grow more and more infatuated with you.

You asked me if i was okay. I did the same. With everybody. I want and need everyone to be okay – others happy makes me happy and you and i would never want anyone to be any less than that. Perhaps its cause we knew what sadness and being lost in a world in which we found to be rather strange, felt like. B, we got eachother. We understood eachothers feelings and cared about eachothers feelings but not only that, but others’ as well. Although you were far more wise and experienced so unlike me who was naive at the time, you knew when to stand your ground.

I called you on your birthday. You werent doing anything special as you should have been. I mean after all, you deserved the world. Instead we got together. I dont remember what we did that night and day. Talked ? Cleaned the old mans room ? You were so caring and always took care of others before yourself. Maybe thats why you were always on the go. You had things to do and people to help. Were you running from me? Or waiting for me …. because…. i was waiting for you. But i never ran. I guess i never experienced that type of trauma which makes you run. Run from love. Why do we do it? I dont do it. I want love so bad that when i love i love deeply and with my whole heart and soul and…. i have trust issues but… whats the point of love if fear always gets in the way of it ? That is, of anything real.

I end it here. I end the fear. Fear of love and fear of being real. Real love should not be destroyed. It should be raised up and conquer. If two are perfect for eachother then they should be together. FUCK fear of getting hurt. What will happen if you never do anything about a situation like so all because of some stupid little worry. Then youll never know. And that, that is truly heart breaking. Missing out because of being scared of something that would never ever happen – because true love does exist and never dies.

I regret never kissing you. I regret some of the things i said. I regret all the things we could and should have been. I regret not experiencing something greater than what we already were. You, you made me so fucking happy. You called me everyday just to check up and ask if i was alright. You asked what i was up to. You told me you missed me. You came over lots to wake me up. You bounced on the bed like it were christmas morning.; You made me feel beautiful. We smoked a cigarette under the covers. You showed me songs and signs and all kinds of things. You showed me how it felt to be in love. Running to the phone when youd call more excited than a 5 year old on their birthday or any holiday really
You were my holiday
You were my everything
You were my B
Everything i did and drew – was from my soul as i thought of you.

Im so sorry. So fucking sorry i didnt show more of my real feelings or affection but it was at the wrong time at the wrong plaace and everything was fucked but not only that, i remember what you said that night.

Love is not sex. I mean you could love sex and stuff but its not real.
Real love is laying all night staring into space and sharing stories. It is absolutely missing them during their abscense. It is wanting nothing more than their company. It is when every song reminds you of them. It is when you feel like a child again. And can be one. Together.

I wish i kissed you. Id do anything to go back and kiss you. I was scared too. I really didnt know what you wanted. I mean i did but you kept running. Was i supposed to kiss you ? Or would it have ended things on your part. I didnt know if kissing was included with what you had said about what makes you stop loving a girl.

My feelings for you were more than anything id ever felt about anyone and it was beyond anything physical.
I wish i could read that book again. I couldnt believe my eyes. I mean i could… it was just… incredible. Ive written and written pages of bullshit over guys who never gave a fuck about me. But you… you had pages and pages written about me and ….. i fucking miss you. Im sorry. I love you. Perhaps we were too similar to go further than where we got. You helped me in so many ways and i hope i did too somehow. Perhaps that in a cruel scary world, innocence and kindness still exists. You know, thats why i loved you. After all those years you never changed and lost your dignity or soul. Im never going to change either. B, i will fight the rest of the demons and im doing it for you.
You couldnt trust me cause you couldnt trust anyone. I understand that now. Sometimes the universe is a dark place and leads us to shadows. But people like you and i make it brighter – by putting a smile on peoples face. Genuine kindness. Soul and heart full of love. Nothing can ever take that away from us. They talk and they talk and they fuck with us and raise us high to crash us down. But our goods will always remain. They shall never be stolen. We shall always be happy and fulll of love life and light.

Youre not gone. You have your wings. I have yet another angel to protect me. You always already did though. But now you will in a different way. I hope you can see past all my newly aqcuired flaws. But; thanks for showing me so many things and thanks for  all the memories – even when you ran away probably cause my anxiety was too much bad energy for you. Ha. I know how to channel it though now. At least in this harsh world.; I know what to do. Im learning everytime.

“When you go
Just know that i
Will remember you.
If living was the hardest part
We’ll then one day
Be together.
And then i’ll be with you
I will be there one last time”

Ps. Thanks for being the handsome handyman you always were.
Thanks for everytime you showed concern
Thanks for being you
You were and will always be an angel
So fly
You shined
But now you shine even brighter

Because after all, stars are blind.


The change is now
Let this place
Be free of chaos
And war.


Im not sure i can create world peace everywhere but…. at least here.
Where it matters.
Where for whatever reason
Are the people i care most about

Strange in a way
We were just an angel away
No more running
We showed our colors
I came i saw i conquered
But all i really wanted was to compromise
You saw through my eyes
Didnt you ?


All that has been lost
Now remains
Drink from the fountain of youth
And never age again
Jump across every cloud
Fly away

I wish i knew back then what i knew now.
You could have taught me so much.

Its okay though
Because you did

My love for you will last thousands and thousands of years.


Saltz and the dreamz



Sanity is absurd
Actually it is quite boring
Like  biology class
Today i decided to skip that.

Sorry i
These words of my choice

As safe as
Light from
The one

At the
Looney bin . Stay
Till tomorrow

So you can
Learn from the broken while
Teachers mend their sorrow.



See me sea breeze
Our love falls like leaves
Slow and graceful
But youll never know me for me

I live a life
Complicated but without strife
Love everyone you meet
Even if they stab you with a knife

One day youll find
The meaning of life
Its different for everyone
Theres no wrong nor right

The meaning to you
Is all up to you
Search for your answers
And listen to strangers

For if you listen
You will find
What youve been needing
To become unblind

Fear is a strong force
That stops us from things thats most important
To move us forward and spread our wings.

When fear creeps up
Recognize and think
What is it im so afraid
From saying what i must say

Fear is not real
It is simply fabricated
In our very own minds
For our minds are our chimes
Wind chimes of insight

Seek insight as you climb
Listen with both ears
Mind body and soul
And move through the illusion of time

The ship set sail today
I thought it did yesterday
But now ive arrived
Heaven in my eyes.





My whole life i have cried
Salty tears which have dried
She finally made it home and sighed
Her soul ripped apart
Had been tied
Back together
Been waiting forever
But finally got the letter
An angel in disguise
I couldnt believe my eyes
After all the lows and the highs
After i  believed all the lies
He was nothing like the portraits
To my surprise
He was beautiful
He was not from here
He must have came
From up there.
“Just live your life”
He said
“Spread your beauty
To those who are dead.
You are here for the purpose”
She healed others simply by what she said.

Angels are not imaginary
Angels are not what we expect
Angels are just like you and me.
For perhaps your life is nothing
But An angel in the vivid dream



Looking through the glass…. a poem. l

Ice in her veins
And she is awakened
Her heart may be broken
But shes still fascinated

The fire she carries inside
Thats what keeps her alive
Years go by, they seem wasted
Seems they have all been a lie.

She thinks that shes found
A secret new place
She stays a little while
Then leaves with no trace.

Shes found a new meaning
Maybe life has a reason
For once she feels purpose
And not so much demons

Shes fighting a battle
Between evil and good
A war in her mind
She’d stop if she could

She thought she was special
She thought she was great
Until finally she realized ..
Or was it too late?

She thought she did good
She thought she was right
But she was no different
Than the cold black night

“We have to stop fighting
We have to make peace
We are not so much different
We must end this disease ?”

“Surrender to us
For you can never win
The monster so strong
Which lies from within”

For this place was nothing
But her mind’s imagination
Artificially self created
Through manifestation

She held on to false hope
A false reality and false dreams
In a world of her own now
And all alone too it seems.

She’d stay there forever
She didnt mind it at all.
Because there she had faith
In a world outside these walls

One closer to home
It was near, she could tell
Where she longed to be
Away from this hell

Her eyes were as red
As the blood from the needle
She hated herself more than anything
More so than these people.

The very windows to her soul
Painted in pitchfork red
Like the devil himself
She played with and fed

She lays down, relaxes
And closes her eyes
She finally escapes
And says her goodbyes

For now shes at home
Shes safe in her dreams
Where no one can scare her
Not even their screams

This madness and monster
She tries to hide from
A simple reflection
Of what shes become

Little did she know
She danced with the devil
The game was the same
But at a higher level

While she sleeps she restores
Her brain and perception
Back to normal reality
Until her next injection

See, thats the devils poison
And curiosity killed the cat
How could any good come from this
If she only understood that.

In order to reach heaven
You must first go through hell
So thats what she did
And then said farewell

She kissed them goodbye
And waved as she left
Into a new dimension now…
Onto a new quest.

That day there on earth
She slept there forever
The battle was over
No more fighting whoever.

It seemed like she slept
For ten thousand years
Before she finally woke up
In a brand new atmosphere

Her body was gone
It was such a strange sight
To see that her skin
Was nothing but light

All around her were lights
Just like her own
Equally as beautiful
No one was outshone.

She felt so much love
And then it was clear
This is the place of the angels
The place with no fear

The journey was long,
Exhausting and rough
She did what she could
And that was enough

Now home with the angels
The valley of light
She never has to worry
About another awful fight

The ice in her veins
Now melted and gone
Shattered heart, whole again
Like the darkness at dawn

And forever they all made love in the skies
They laughed as they sang and they danced
Even though they had forever
And forever they lived as if it were their last