encouragement best explained

so

whats it gonna be?

running in fields of ecstasy?

high green blades of grass

wishing on the feathers of dandelions

a feeling you once knew

a fleeting escape your soul creates fast

look on the bright side

your hearts still beating to fight

to keep it together

yeah, i got it all together

emotions opposite of the weather

maybe thats what we need.

a lover at the other end of the spectrum

how else will you conquer balance ?

and balance, we need

so desperately

to keep all things

humanity, society, some part of me

at peace.

so whats it gonna be ?

are you yet realizing ?

 

the yin and the yang aint just some decorative thang.

oh how i love the flow of the words stuck in my brain

in fact, missing

but the glass house seeks to destroy the lost and retained

a window,  a screen, a sliver piercing our feet

they couldnt help it

and so the apple they eat

but i dont mind giving away my fruit

and my pieces of loot

after all, i am nothing without all of you.

and you can steal a little bit of my spark

to light up your ghostly existance, self, dark

but i wish not to break yet another heart

am i fool and just causing more harm?

can i be happy, comfortable, and stable yet ?

karma holds no more debt

although free, i am set

to sit, stop and rest

and give up the trials and tests

i just want something, something for nothing

 

… woops ! this is supposed to be encouraging.

so to all those who are out there in the battlefield

i want you to remember that love is your shield.

and when youre broke and cant get up

dust yourself off and dont give up.

cause light is brighter than the dark.

know your purpose and your worth.

 

you may never go to some university

but trust me

the warmth you carry around,

your smile as you walk around

your mysterious aura

your beauty leaving others astound

such angelic ways you should wear a crown

touching lives of those who always frown

honey, dont be so down

blood may not be but God is proud.

 

 

just do what drives you to be happy in upside down town.

which is being happy. so be happy. and youll simply be happy.

 

 

 

mighr as well spill my heart out

you walked into my life at such a perfect time.
you were a complete stranger one day
then the next,  a best friend of mine.
weren”t we so smitten ?
imagining and playing like children
sat on my polka dot bed
not able to speak even a full sentence
you made it so easy for me to close everyone else off
for.all my relationships anyways were toxic.
i didnt miss them. not even my best friend.
my best friend from high school
who slowly turned into a stranger
almost evil, and especially cruel.

i spoke to nobody
i didnt have to.
im far from conceited and quite insecure
you seemed to be the only person who truly knew that.
i was fine, you know,
all those lazy days, just me and you.
stupid boys always chased.me for sure
but i wanted you so i never let it show.
and i thought you spoke of many girls because of your gigantic ego
your dark past of gangs drugs and hoes
you would tell your story but you would boast.
all your violent crimes didnt impress so,
you changed the dialogue
talking about dark secrets, sorrow,
pain and fears you claimed only i know.

those days, summertime started to grow
we sat, drinking beer, on the beautiful patio
around the fire pit we’d peacefully smoke
i’d offen wonder who you were, truly
why you were here with me so comfortably
I just met you, but I never wanted you to leave.

a blessing from God. “maybe we deserve rhis” you said as you stole my thoughts once again.
we climbed into my tiny bed at night
you made me laugh so damn hard till i cried
over and over and over again you surprised me with your non chalant, quirky humour. i wanted to laugh with you forever.

you saw me at some of my lowest times
numbing my pain and you saw me cry
and no.ones ever held me like you did
as my tears ran down to your shoulders.
and i wont forget that night
the one where you held me until i fell asleep
so peacefully in your safe embrace

you put me back on solid ground
when all hope i thoughr i lost, you found
picked me up when i couldnt do it myself
you brought me breakfast, you brought me coffee
you brought me my favourite flowers
and trinkets which ironically had much meaning to me, my life.

yeah my bed was small.
but we slept even if your back was against the wall
you told me you slept soundly, finallly
while i dreamed of wickedness, you seemed to be already up, waiting,
to make me feel safe again and instantly i’d drift back off.

my eyes are getting heavy now.
its been almost 3 days without rest
after what you did to me, well
i ran back to my familiar ways
filling the barrel, pointing a poison arrow
reading anything i could find that felt like you had written it just for me.engulfed by the bibl,e poets of love and history
riding the fine line between psychotic and (somewhat) sanity
i keep forgetting im not at home and still completely consumed by our lust fantasy.
im at the point where this place is completely familiar but yet
looking around i get confused as fuck.
and then i remember.
youre not home and neither am I.
and id do anything to go back in time.

before my own insecurities ate me alive.
and maybe i stopped showing you just how much you meant to me
even though just a few weeks
ive never mer anybody in my whole life where i didnt want them to leave.
and i cannot stress that enough.
my space is precious and you must be a fucking angel if i prefer you over that.

you.. i became afraid.
i fucking  started getting nervous while in your presence.
i started to feel small rather than the semi pretty girl who i believed i once was.
you have it all, you know that ?
amazing in every way shape and form
and i cannot seem to figure it all out.
did you come to teach? use me? hide from the authorities?
you cant possibly be real. too good to be true. even better than whom i thought was perfect from heels to toes.

i cant have you be a lesson.
it scares the shit out of me how gracefully you have lived with me
helped me
and worst of all
how i envisioned a fucking future with you
in so little time.
your perfect sense of humour
perfect ocean eyes
perfect affection
perfect assets and skills.
perfect fucking dialogue to get me addicted.

far different from the others
i felt it in my chest
i gave you all my effort all my trust
until …  you broke it.
but i didnt care because i was too infatuated and knew you would have some income soon.
trust me boy, id lock you in my room.
but its hard providing for two.

you have yet to come back.
you send few texts breaking more promises
ignoring my calls youve made me feel so fucking let down.
whats worse is your attitude. how could you blame me? this is a side of you i never could have imagined you posessed.
i lay here alone in pain again now that the drugs and money are gone

i pray to god youll go back home
lets go back home cause youre worth more than this to me
and I know this wasnt a lie because
God knew I was hurt and lonely.
Would he really do this to me?

Im so fucking worried. about you. about me
my 2 dollar bank account
and the promise you didnt keep.
i hate how ive become dependent on somebody
and how no ones ever made me feel this way.
so here i am. i could barely keep my eyes open hours ago but instead it bothered me so much that i had to come clean.

please dont  leave me.
i believed every word you said.
dont do this.
im sorry for being so young and naive
insecure and sometimes mean
if youre struggling i want to set you free
i dont know if i know what love is but im sure as hell fucking lonely.

and if you have to leave, leave.
but do not go without saying goodbye please.
maybe weve failed Gods trials.
Maybe you never really cared or,
maybe i didnt show enough.

the suns rising again on this monday morning
i spent my entire night spilling this out
wasting away my precious sleep
thats deep

i miss having you around so much i cannot stand to even be alone in that household.
I pray to God I see you there today.
i just want a lengthy hug and for you to explain …..

and then we can hustle together this month.

i hope you know it scares me i like you this much.
if you end things this way ill be fucking crushed.

my friends have already warned me..

but instead i listened to what my insudes were telling me.
and the schizophrenic tv.

im becoming delirious and my only wish is to lay with you in bed and show.you my new pet crab.

okay my brain MUST shut off now.
I went through some major shit past couple days.

youll probably never even see this but
i just hope youre fucking okay and back on your way.

Fishbowl. // Starseeds

Ar the end of the day

Nothing is private

Nothing is ours

Nothing is real

Nothing is safe

Goldfish swimming,

I swim in this gigantic fish bowl.

Swimming,

Infinate loops

Endlessly

Black holes

Relentlessly

Are we truly free?

Where is that galaxy

Where I call Home ?

…….

Beyond the stars, and the moon, and the air and the burning ball of fire
Over the strawberry fields and over the mountains
Past every planet
Perhaps, is a place
That is OUR place.

My work here is not done.
Im trying to save the world
One by one.
The walking dead will be restored.
Shining my light, purity, LOVE

We are all stars
And no one can take that.
Maybe we’ll explode
And start our journey back.

One day.
My very last breath.
I cannot wait until im so old and wise
See that spark in a child’s eyes
The same burning wildfire in mine

And then i can tell them,
“You are so special.”

So that one day
When they discover their magic
And after all those years of perhaps emptiness, hardships and doubt
They’ll think of me
And maybe they’ll smile.

These words are my heart and soul.

“I want you to know With everything i wont let this go These words are my heart and soul I’ll hold onto this moment you know Cause i bleed my heart out to show And i wont let go.” 1. Depth. Free of anxiety. Gentle. TPB. Artistic. Passion. Words of cheese. Understanding of the chaos. Healthy. Inexperienced. Damaged. Paranoid. Depressed. Attention seeking. Selfish convenience. Family oriented. Mother relationship. Connection at a further level 2. Slow. Tons in common. High assurity. No questioning. Clingy. Great experience. Motivated. Possibly superficial. No artistic value? Unnappreciative of meaning. Rushing. No real depth. Jealous. Misunderstands space. Little nervous. Strong. Big. Safety and secure. Does not fuck around. No second guesses. Short term. 2 lessons – a million new ideas, desires and understanding of what i need. Bad. Better. Please bring the best, now. Or was it here all along ? Babe, as time goes on, it doesnt feel so wrong Im not perfect enough though, and, youre mean You understand it, but only to a degree And why are you so ashamed of me Youre lucky this planet hates me. You almost lost me. In reality you dont deserve me. I hope one day we both change. For the better. So that our lifelong friendship turns into our lifetime dream. We are the very same. Yet total opposites. And now its dawning on me Ass in gear to work towards everything i need to be. For me. Us. Love. Trust. Patience dear. Dont forget about me. Or am i simply lovesick for love again?

 

Contestant number three

Show yourself to me.

Shall you be thrusted upon me.

Oh, the irony.

That i was too blind to see

Whats right in front of me

After all these years.

The very best things in life take lots of time.

We started out as two little kids

Trying to catch a thrill

Oh yeah, we loved a good thrill

Total adrenaline junkies.

You disapproved my method.

It wasted a lot of my life afterall.

Well, in the others’ eyes

Not mine.

I learned more than id anticipated

Or that i was prepared for

During that frightful fall

Like alice in wonderland

Completely engulfed by a world of madness, miracles and mysteries

Utter insanity, where im most happy.

I dont think you could ever understand.

And that scares me.

A story without understanding

Or believing

Is nothing but a mere fairytale.

So i’ll keep this darkness with me

Locked away into the deepest depths of my soul

Hidden and safe, from the innocent

Oh yes, i know i wanted all the answers.

And i know curiosity usually doesnt do the cat any good.

But i couldnt stop.

The hunger for more was surely one of a lion

Indeed, the king of beasts

And while exploring the jungle was definitely a frightening journey

I knew the reward was well worth it.

Whatever it was, i knew in my soul i achieved great things

Maybe i helped lost souls find their wings.

Maybe they felt heaven just for a day

Maybe they remembered from where they came

Maybe it gave them something to think

Its enough for me to believe

That i went down in history

When all those souls think of me

From time to time. And smile.

Oh, my darling. You treat me like im a fool.

Whether i was wide awake or dreaming

I did something even i dont know about.

Oh, sure. It was for your entertainment.

Use me as you will. But you should know by now

My mind is far too creative to not get fullfillment

Out of this absurd life we’ve created

I say we, because lets be honest

We both have a say in what gets played

Am i interesting yet ?

Do people love me yet ?

No, just the thought is comforting.

That even though im a lost cause

It wasnt a complete waste

And when i close my eyes to dream

I get a round of applause

While i sleep and watch the lives of those on the other side.

I dont expect to ever be fully understood.

Dont try because youll drown.

Patiently waiting for someone to embark on a journey on my vicious dark seas to get to me.

Yeah, ive done those things. But do you ask why ? Take the time to really listen ? Open up your mind to the endless possibilities the universe has to offer.

Our imaginaty minds

Can go sky high

Until we fly

Above blue sky

Into new heights

Your rollercoaster ride

My glass empire flight

We here for one more night

It will be alright

When darkness turns to light

Yeah, we will be alright. You and I.

Together in this wild ride.

 

Perhaps i know what i want. But i simply cant allow it. For the uncertainty of it all. And nobody wants to feel like that. Unsafe. Not secure. Id lose everybody and no one wants to be alone.

Has it ever occured to you that perhaps we’ll never be good enough for anyone else. And that were just two oddballs that desire something so much more. Adventure, meaning, thrills, to be free as a bird. Limits do not exist and opportunities are endless.

This has turned into quite the rambling blabble jabble in which i would have rather avoided. But when you have a million thoughts racing around at once, its hard not to come up with a mess.

I think the vision finally makes sense to me now. I dont know anything though really. I mean i thought i did. A wise man knows he knows nothing. So the show may just be getting started.

Join me on my quest for a happily ever after life: love, laughter, great memories, new quests, new destinations and new realizations, new happiness, new me, new life, new beginning.

No more running around like a chicken. Im done with that. Why should i do anything more than sit back and let it all fall into place? Its hard to trust but baby trust your fate.

Trust is something i dont think ill ever know again. I reply.

Then at least trust the sky. Trust the stars and the clouds and the moon. But especially the sun. For it shall always be there, even in your darkest days. The sky is absolute, it wont ever leave you.

Then i should just marry it. If the sky is the only thing i am guaranteed to have for life. Day after day. Sky. Sky. Sky. Ive always loved the sky.

“Its a damn cold night

Tryna figure out this life

Take me somewhere new

I dont know who you are, but i,

Im with you.”

 

 

 

Baaabyyyy

He came and caught me just in time.
Just before i was about to shatter into a million pieces.

But im still scared.
But i wont let fear be an option.
Hes my option, hes mine, please, let this be real.

♡

Honey, you are perfect.