Too high, cant come down

“She’s something mystical in colored lights
So far from typical but take my advice
Before you play with fire do think twice
And if you get burned don’t be surprised

Got me lifted, drifted higher than the ceiling
And ooh, baby, it’s the ultimate feeling
You’ve got me lifted, feeling so gifted
Sugar, how you get so fly?”

-‘Sugar’ lyrics.

Well

I float through the streets

Smile at every face i meet

Striding on air with my feet

 

My heart is not taintef.

Im aware of the ugliness

I see this whole space naked.

You know the situation.

 

I hide away for a few days.

Speed through time in a haze

Alone, numb, absurd craze

Its the only real escape.

 

My tiny corner.

Felt like home now.

Faster than i know

Springs gone and it starts to snow.

 

Now i lay here

My thoughts, they come without invite.

I feel you with me

But youre nowhere in sight.

 

Why hello, its me again.

Just me myself and i.

Bulging spider eyes.

I was told big girls dont cry.

 

I know that when your world

Crumbles

In the palm of your hand

Just when you thought

You had it all under control

 

So here i shall rest my head

Under yellow skies and fire sunsets

I wont be scared, i wont bend

I know ill be alone till the end.

 

You casted your cruel spell.

It worked im sure you can tell.

You see, i didnt express things well.

Your own personal hell

But im not able to carry such a shell.

 

Its all going wrong.

Lust, friendships, gone

But somehow i am carried along.

So to you, i say, so long my love

We had only just begun

But all i hope is you stay strong.

 

I burn my candles all night

Flame in the dark

It feels so right

I can only relax when its black

Tiny spark for a little light.

 

We’re better off on our own.

I know its bitter and cold

I know nothing never lasts

A city with a cruel forecast.

 

I do what i want when i feel like it

So i cave in and take another hit

That one was perfect

What a rush, what a lift

Up to the clouds my body drifts

 

Downtown pedestrians

I am among them

I hold my head high

Passing each stranger saying hi

Oh i remember you !!!

From work, right ?

From back in time

From our ecstatic heights

 

You know

All day long ive contradicted.

Who you were, searching conclusion

You threw it in my face

Perhaps we both played our own game

From everyone i’ll forever run away

 

Life is a story. A novel. A movie.

Youre allowed to make your own ending

I wont ever live life, descending

I am me, theres no pretending

Hearts i am mending

Messages i am sending

Do you hear me ?

But everything you hold onto is condescending.

 

Someday i will understand.

For now i follow no such plan.

Take in the air and breathe.

Feel the soil under your feet.

I think i’ll be fine with just me

Thats how its always been

Walking aimlessly and incomplete

Oh, baby.

 

What goes around comes back around.

Keep an eye on things you take

Things you break

Even innocence has to pay.

 

Starry galaxies i play in, paint

Im looking for my milky way.

Oh father, wont you show me the way ?

Come take me away

No, because

I must love another day.

 

I know the scenario all too well

For my magic the people fell

Karmas a harsh bitch all too real

Got me bad. Hurting quite well.

 

You either got the goods or you dont.

People try, but only i can own.

They try to steal it but they wont.

 

Hearts racing driving like an aninal

Im feeling like a cannibal

Dont give in baby, no

Ride the ocean carefully and slow

 

All the souls in the world

I still want yours

Never did i feel

Felt like that before.

Unafraid, my authentic self.

 

Been running in the field

Yeah, the glass road

Far too long now.

I sit down to smoke.

Thick milky clouds

Reminds me of something i used to know.

 

Im tripping ?

Its your fucking fault

I hold on though, slipping

Gripping

Yeah, you cant mess around with the living.

 

Tonight i ponder

Its midnight

Others, too, psychotic

Their demons play well with mine

Adding to my fuel and tactics

Enemies turning into friendly

Familiar and fun add ons

Yes, hold on my hand

Its so intriguing there.

 

Turn out the light now

Its playtime now

Beautiful and menacing

Tonight we dont need no sleep.

 

Starry eyes

Deep

Twin of the Pacific

I dare you to be specific

Whered you learn those tricks ?

I want to know what makes you tick

Youre so fucking hard to resist

Im ready for this.

 

 

 

 

These words are my heart and soul.

“I want you to know With everything i wont let this go These words are my heart and soul I’ll hold onto this moment you know Cause i bleed my heart out to show And i wont let go.” 1. Depth. Free of anxiety. Gentle. TPB. Artistic. Passion. Words of cheese. Understanding of the chaos. Healthy. Inexperienced. Damaged. Paranoid. Depressed. Attention seeking. Selfish convenience. Family oriented. Mother relationship. Connection at a further level 2. Slow. Tons in common. High assurity. No questioning. Clingy. Great experience. Motivated. Possibly superficial. No artistic value? Unnappreciative of meaning. Rushing. No real depth. Jealous. Misunderstands space. Little nervous. Strong. Big. Safety and secure. Does not fuck around. No second guesses. Short term. 2 lessons – a million new ideas, desires and understanding of what i need. Bad. Better. Please bring the best, now. Or was it here all along ? Babe, as time goes on, it doesnt feel so wrong Im not perfect enough though, and, youre mean You understand it, but only to a degree And why are you so ashamed of me Youre lucky this planet hates me. You almost lost me. In reality you dont deserve me. I hope one day we both change. For the better. So that our lifelong friendship turns into our lifetime dream. We are the very same. Yet total opposites. And now its dawning on me Ass in gear to work towards everything i need to be. For me. Us. Love. Trust. Patience dear. Dont forget about me. Or am i simply lovesick for love again?

 

Contestant number three

Show yourself to me.

Shall you be thrusted upon me.

Oh, the irony.

That i was too blind to see

Whats right in front of me

After all these years.

The very best things in life take lots of time.

We started out as two little kids

Trying to catch a thrill

Oh yeah, we loved a good thrill

Total adrenaline junkies.

You disapproved my method.

It wasted a lot of my life afterall.

Well, in the others’ eyes

Not mine.

I learned more than id anticipated

Or that i was prepared for

During that frightful fall

Like alice in wonderland

Completely engulfed by a world of madness, miracles and mysteries

Utter insanity, where im most happy.

I dont think you could ever understand.

And that scares me.

A story without understanding

Or believing

Is nothing but a mere fairytale.

So i’ll keep this darkness with me

Locked away into the deepest depths of my soul

Hidden and safe, from the innocent

Oh yes, i know i wanted all the answers.

And i know curiosity usually doesnt do the cat any good.

But i couldnt stop.

The hunger for more was surely one of a lion

Indeed, the king of beasts

And while exploring the jungle was definitely a frightening journey

I knew the reward was well worth it.

Whatever it was, i knew in my soul i achieved great things

Maybe i helped lost souls find their wings.

Maybe they felt heaven just for a day

Maybe they remembered from where they came

Maybe it gave them something to think

Its enough for me to believe

That i went down in history

When all those souls think of me

From time to time. And smile.

Oh, my darling. You treat me like im a fool.

Whether i was wide awake or dreaming

I did something even i dont know about.

Oh, sure. It was for your entertainment.

Use me as you will. But you should know by now

My mind is far too creative to not get fullfillment

Out of this absurd life we’ve created

I say we, because lets be honest

We both have a say in what gets played

Am i interesting yet ?

Do people love me yet ?

No, just the thought is comforting.

That even though im a lost cause

It wasnt a complete waste

And when i close my eyes to dream

I get a round of applause

While i sleep and watch the lives of those on the other side.

I dont expect to ever be fully understood.

Dont try because youll drown.

Patiently waiting for someone to embark on a journey on my vicious dark seas to get to me.

Yeah, ive done those things. But do you ask why ? Take the time to really listen ? Open up your mind to the endless possibilities the universe has to offer.

Our imaginaty minds

Can go sky high

Until we fly

Above blue sky

Into new heights

Your rollercoaster ride

My glass empire flight

We here for one more night

It will be alright

When darkness turns to light

Yeah, we will be alright. You and I.

Together in this wild ride.

 

Perhaps i know what i want. But i simply cant allow it. For the uncertainty of it all. And nobody wants to feel like that. Unsafe. Not secure. Id lose everybody and no one wants to be alone.

Has it ever occured to you that perhaps we’ll never be good enough for anyone else. And that were just two oddballs that desire something so much more. Adventure, meaning, thrills, to be free as a bird. Limits do not exist and opportunities are endless.

This has turned into quite the rambling blabble jabble in which i would have rather avoided. But when you have a million thoughts racing around at once, its hard not to come up with a mess.

I think the vision finally makes sense to me now. I dont know anything though really. I mean i thought i did. A wise man knows he knows nothing. So the show may just be getting started.

Join me on my quest for a happily ever after life: love, laughter, great memories, new quests, new destinations and new realizations, new happiness, new me, new life, new beginning.

No more running around like a chicken. Im done with that. Why should i do anything more than sit back and let it all fall into place? Its hard to trust but baby trust your fate.

Trust is something i dont think ill ever know again. I reply.

Then at least trust the sky. Trust the stars and the clouds and the moon. But especially the sun. For it shall always be there, even in your darkest days. The sky is absolute, it wont ever leave you.

Then i should just marry it. If the sky is the only thing i am guaranteed to have for life. Day after day. Sky. Sky. Sky. Ive always loved the sky.

“Its a damn cold night

Tryna figure out this life

Take me somewhere new

I dont know who you are, but i,

Im with you.”