It is 6am. Im tired as hell. My eyes are heavy. But i havent shut the light. And my muscles are tense, i cannot relax whatsoever.
Why you may ask?
Ive been living here for a month and a half now.
The first month was absolutely fine. I was ecstatic about having a free gym in my apartment. I felt optimistic during this time – like a new beginning.
It started only a few days ago. Almost a week ago.
I was in the bathroom doing my makeup. I heard something within the walls. Scratching and, i kid you not – squeaking noises. I thought it were the pipes at first until i googled it and figured out it was mice in there.
I talked to my roommate about it. She said she had actually seen one. In the vent. A small one.
Well then. That confirms it. All.of the sudden, our place has mice.
All day long i heard a mouse scratch and squeak in the same spot. It lasted over 24 hours. Although it was distressing, i still managed to sleep and everything.
Then a couple days after i actually heard one run along the wall right beside my bed where i was sitting. I didnt actually see it though but it was enough to give me a spook. I left the room and didnt return for quite some time. The plan was to just go out and stay out for as long as i could. And just return for sleep.
Tonight, as i layed in bed while my nails dried, there it was. Visual confirmation. A big fat mother fucker, scurrying across the room. At first i was frozen and stunned. After it disappeared somewhere, i ran straight out of my room. Sat at the kitchen table and texted a couple people for support. At this point the anxiety settled in.
I left the suite and went to the back lobby. I sat on the couch and began to cry. I was completely horrified at was i just witnessed. Absolutely disgusting. I have fucking big ass mice all over my room. Great. I mean i could always hear them but it was like, i could easily just not believe it i guess.
I called my mom and had a melt down. I hyperventilated for a couple minutes. I was really distraught. She helped calm me down and eventually i returned to my room. It was 3am after all.
Ever since then ive been in bed with my back turned to my room. Blasting my music or watching videos to distract me
Thing is, i can hear them everywhere. But its not as bad if you cant see them.
Im so scared. Im so scared. And its irrational, isnt it ? Theyre cute at the pet store
Why am i so afraid when they are here?
Theyre different here. Theyre uglier here. They are the devils creatures. Theyre dirty and diseased. Its kind of like a giant insect. It sure feels that way. Like the feeling when i see a huge spider – only this is much much worse. I have never had a panic attack meltdown over a spider.
I am writing this to distract my mind. I am writing this to kill time while i wait for my mother to give me the word that i can go stay at her place until i move out in 2 weeks. Anything. Anything. FUCK i just heard another fat fucker run just 4 feet away from me. IM SO FUCKING TERRIFIED . ALSO, THE PURPOSE OF THIS WAS TO LET ANYONE OUT THERE SUFFERING FROM THE SAME THING THAT THEY ARE NOT ALONE.
YOU SHOULD NOT FEEL STUPID FOR BEING AFRAID. IT IS TRULY A TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE. IVE BEEN THERE AND I UNDERSTAND.