Ramblings of a messy mind

Maybe i did have a soulmate.
Maybe i did have a home of true, unconditional and passionate love.
Maybe God blessed me with everything ive ever wanted but was too blind to see
He was a spitting mirror image of me
Oh, i preach about love all the time.
But couldnt even love what was supposed to be mine ?
Should have made up my mind.
For someone who lives a rather high risk lifestyle
Funny how she blew her shot
And couldnt take a risk for everything she wants
So is that it ? Times up ? I failed the test ?
I chose fear instead, yes.
But love is nothing without persistence.
And its nothing without forgiveness.
Perhaps he was not capable of love. But more so, ownership of something shiny.
Lust, greed, jealousy, anger.

I need time.
I need someone to give me that.
I think time is a fair trade for a heart.
One so big in which nothing lacks.

Oh, and i complain about not having enough of it. Time. What is time ? Why do humans feel the need to be able to measure everything  ? Lets slap a bunch of numbers together and call it a clock. Why cant we merely go about our lives in a more free spririted kind of way. I want to be free to do as i please, work because i want to, explore the world, see as many faces, places and art as i possibly can, but this world has so many restrictions rules.
Instead we are constantly worrying over numbers. NUMBERS !? the money, the clocks, math homework, just to name a few.
We give numbers far too much attention.

Its hard to imagine a world without clocks(time) and money, if youre not a dreamer.
I imagine a perfect  world in complete harmony. Its where all the selfless, loving, kind, compassionate live
Nothing is money driven. We help cause we want to. We work cause we want to. We use the sun to tell what time it is. We sleep when were tired and wake up when we arent anymore.
Rather than money, everyone earns a daily incentive. And each incentive is equal. This will drive people to seek a career they love and can be passionate about rather than seek one out they will not enjoy just because of high salaries.
Houses should be given out in terms of requirements. Large family ? Large home. Houses should be accomodated by space requirements – taking everything into consideration – number of individuals, work space requirements, possible health requirements etc

The incentives are like a digital wallet. Everyday it gets reloaded with the same amount. If theres balance remaining from previously then it gets added on to. Same thing as saving money. The daily amount should be more than enough to cover the cost of basic living needs plus personal or recreation needs

Food should be free because without it we’d die
Water should be free as well.

Everyone should get free basic food. So like bread, rice, meat, fruits and vegetables, milk, etc

But stores are still open for those seeking something which basics do not supply. Condiments, sweets, novelty foods

AAANYWAYS my mind got off track there.
I am not ready for another whole damn system proposal. I am simply not inclined for the tedious concentration and focus in which it involves. My palipitating heart and nausea is too much of a distraction. Amongst other things.

I see what the universe keeps throwin at me. Not sure to help me or make a mockery
To remind me i almost had it all
I mean, i did, it was right in the palm of my hand.
But i refuse to believe that all the fault is on me.
Because i said everything and i said sorry
And my heart delivered that apology

Fuck man enough of this sappy ass story.
WHO CARES. appairently my mind does cause it gives it something to think and rhyme about.
He would have been fun for a little while yes. I would have been happy. And have amazing sex. Whenever i want. With someone who makes me feel sexy. OH THE AGONY OF THAT THOUGHT.
… but his insecurities would have eaten it all alive. His anxiety would eat me alive. And mine, him.

Or at least i like to tell myself that. That it wouldnt have lasted anyway. I dont wanna be no flava of the month ~ lmao or YEAR

i need to end this post right now im sorry my thoughts are too scattered and all i wanted to do was  make a nice post. I guess a nice post would not be a precise reflection of my current state of well-being in all areas possible

My brain is loaded with so much traffic im trying to unload here and this is what happens

Sorry ! I doubt this has little relevence to anybody or anything and this post turned out to be purely for my benefit of getting my thoughts out of my head and into something else

I really need a diary for rants like these. Rants that do not have a point.
My mind wants to jump everywhere and so i cant finish anything



Accurate representation of current state of the union.


HA !! thats a good one.


Accurate representation of where this post went.


But i like to  think that i am not normal.


Oh thank god cause this is a disaster


She be like “I AINT SEEN NO RUM”

cant you see im trying to lamp out


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